“As we drive along this road called life, occasionally a gal will find herself a little lost. And when that happens, I guess she has to let go of the coulda, shoulda, woulda, buckle up and just keep going.” – Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City
Sometimes the conversation can flow the way you’ve always wanted it to and it leads to a relationship… but on more occasions than one, the guy isn’t exactly looking for the same thing you are. With only a little bit more than 40 percent of the JMU campus being male, it can be slightly depressing hearing the “I have commitment issues” spiel from that one guy you finally found to be special. Ever heard a girl utter, “BRB…dying alone with cats”? This doesn’t need to be the case!
There could be many explanations why the guy you’re “talking” to can’t commit or explain his true feelings. Yes, the main one may be that he was hurt in the past or that it’s college and he can’t promise settling down. This would make any girl mad that he isn’t willing to try with them because, honestly, what girl hasn’t been hurt by some guy before in her past? If we are willing to give it a shot why can’t they? Or maybe he is too overwhelmed to be in a relationship, or hasn’t been in a serious one before and he’s scared. Maybe his mind and heart are saying two different things at the same time… or maybe he is just a confused college guy.
Whatever his excuse is, there is NO reason to be held up on this one guy. You can’t settle for anything less than you deserve. Talk it out with the guy first. Don’t just give up that “what’s done is done” because that usually isn’t the case. Iron out those kinks and let him know what’s on your mind! Yes, this is still an awkward, sticky and complicated mess, but it’s better than the alternative of getting up and walking away. No guy really means to hurt you that much or he wouldn’t have been “talking” to you in the first place.
While this is all being worked out, you can start by fixing yourself and focusing on you. There isn’t any easy solution, but there are several things that can help deal with the gut wrenching words, “I don’t know if I feel the same way about you.”
Ever seen the movie “500 Days of Summer”? If not, the main character Tom Hansen deals with a nasty break-up with what he thought was the love of his life. He is ripped apart and isn’t ready to be friends with Summer Finn, his ex-lover. However, weeks later he is invited to a party of hers and the movie portrays the “reality” and “imagination” versions of Tom’s night. In his imagined version, he pictures him and Summer getting back together like everything was okay, but the reality version was heart-wrenching when he sees that Summer is actually engaged. Tom basically goes into a coma for what seems like forever as he only consumes Twinkies washed down with Jack Daniels and even quits his job. Tom is in a desperate situation and has a heart to heart with his little sister, making him reflect on the relationship. Soon after realizing his memories could have been skewed, he takes his life into his own hands and becomes an architect, his dream job. Just like Tom, you can use a bad situation and turn it around to be a positive thing for you.
If a guy doesn’t know exactly how he is feeling or isn’t ready to commit, why would you want to be in that situation anyway? There’s nothing wrong with eventually being friends or going back to the way things were before with that person, but continuing to be hung up on that one person is just a waste of time. Tom Hansen took control of the situation and became what he always wanted to become. So in order to deal with the situation, no matter how bad it may seem at the time, you have to take control of your life. Here are a few tips on becoming the “architect”:
1) DON’T stress. Yes, you are trying to figure out what you and this guy are while you are working on yourself at the same time, but that’s a good thing! Nothing needs to be figured out right away, but it’s better to work on it as you go then ignore it and completely stress again when it’s time to solve the friendship problem.
3) Change your view of the situation. Maybe it was supposed to happen for a reason. Maybe there’s someone better out there for you, or it wasn’t the right time.
4) Don’t dwell on the past It’ll only bring you down and make you sad.
5) Don’t hold onto the “what if’s” of the situation. This is never a good idea and can skew the progress of getting over the guy!
6) Just “do you.” This is probably the best one out of the whole list. If a guy sees you being OK with the situation and being better off than you were before, he’ll definitely notice.