In the face of an increasingly rampant party culture at my university and many others, I have spent a lot of time negotiating my introverted nature with the actions and interests of my peers. Does it mean there is something wrong with me when I choose Chinese takeout and a facemask over ragers and red solo cups? Absolutely not! There is nothing weird about knowing your preferences and limits, nor does saying no and setting boundaries in the face of pressure from those around you make you any less worthy of having what you regard as a good time. There are so many ways to have a worthwhile college experience beyond being surrounded by people or going out every night.
knowing yourself
The first piece of this puzzle is recognizing the things, people, and places that make you feel most comfortable and most yourself. It will likely require a lot of self-reflection and exploration of what makes you, as an individual, happy. Search for those moments where you feel most yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally. Those are the moments you will harness and use to shape your understanding of the spaces and situations in which you feel most comfortable.
This often comes down to whether or not you are an introvert or an extrovert. While extroverts often find that their energy comes from time spent with others, going out, and being socially stimulated, the introvert gains their energy from spending time alone, relaxation, and rest. For introverts, there is often a feeling of division from what is “normal”, but this division is almost always a product of misconceptions in society rather than a real abnormality.
Ways for the Collegiate Introvert to spend their time
After you conduct that essential introspective work, you can start to seek out the kinds of things that will make your college experience most fulfilling as an introvert. If you are a homebody, like me, the place you feel most comfortable is likely your bedroom. You can take the time to learn organization hacks, hang up posters of your favorite movies or books, and invest in a nice candle or an essential oil diffuser to make the space not only your own but enjoyable to exist in as you recharge.
You will also probably find that there are one of two activities that you really enjoy doing as you rest and recharge. A few activities that I enjoy which others might want to explore are making Spotify playlists, reading books, creating Pinterest mood boards and writing in a journal. Other things to explore might include binge-watching a new show, going for a walk or cooking.
If you decide that hanging with just one or two girlfriends sounds much more your speed than going to a party packed wall-to-wall with hundreds of strangers, make that an event! You can pick one night a week where you and your girls grab some snacks, throw something on the T.V. (I always recommend The Summer I Turned Pretty!), and gossip to your heart’s content.
how to set boundaries with the extroverts in your life
Introverts are not entirely isolated beings, and often make friends with extroverts. There is often a disconnect between the two because of their opposing means of recharging, and it can lead to rifts in what are otherwise really healthy and valuable relationships. In order to avoid this, there has to be an active effort to meet in the middle and set boundaries with each other! Let the people you surround yourself with know from the get-go that you will likely not enjoy a lot of the same things, and that going to the parties they derive so much joy from is really not your style. If they are true friends, they will respect what you enjoy and not let it interfere with your friendship. Ideally, you will create balance in each other’s lives, and prevent one another from flying too high or sinking down too low.
Challenging yourself (sometimes)
In spite of my personal pride in being an introvert and my encouragement of introverts to own who they are and how they spend their time, conscious effort still must be put into not alienating yourself or missing out on what college has to offer you. In my personal experience, while it can feel difficult at first, you can still honor who you are while pursuing opportunities and enjoyment. If you find that you are spending more time in bed than is normal for you and falling into an unhealthy headspace, challenge yourself to head to the library for your study session one day instead! If you want to get more practical experience in your field of study beyond the classroom, see if there are extracurriculars that align with your interests. For me, being a part of my university’s Her Campus chapter and literary magazine editorial team have been incredibly rewarding and created a much better balance between self and others in my life. It is entirely possible to ride the wave of your initial discomfort and find new places you feel comfortable with while still being true to who you are!