It’s that time of year when everyone makes New Years resolutions. Some keep theirs and others fail with in the first week. I guess you can call what I did a resolution, but I think for me it was a way of challenging myself. I wasn’t trying to reach some goal like lose ten pounds or something, but I did want some change so that’s why for the time being I’ve deleted social media.
Over winter break I had a lot of time to relax and watch endless amounts of Hallmark Movies (much to dad’s disapproval). Even with keeping myself preoccupied with those difficult tasks, I found myself spending so much time on Instagram, Facebook and Snapchat. Even when I was doing things that didn’t involve Hallmarks and my PJs, like going to dinner with family or looking at Christmas lights with friends, I was constantly on my phone wanting to know what I was missing. A couple times when I found myself lost in the world of social media, I pondered the idea of deleting it all. I wondered what it would be like. A part of me was intrigued, but if I’m being honest, an even bigger part was scared. I questioned what I would do with my time. I questioned if I would be up to date on what everyone was doing and mostly if I was going to be missing out on something. Come New Years Eve after scrolling endlessly on Instagram, I impulsively logged out of my account. Next, I logged out of Snapchat and Facebook and proceeded to delete the apps off my phone. I didn’t delete Instagram, as I still wanted to use my art account that was separate from my personal account and didn’t have many people on it.
I can’t say that I’ll stay off it forever. There will most likely be a day when I go back on, but for now I’m enjoying what little connection I have to social media. I still check my art account at least once a day and check Facebook on my computer periodically for school club purposes, but I found that after deleting my personal accounts I didn’t even feel like looking at my still active account. It was as if deleting my social media suddenly made checking it a chore, when before I used social media to escape my real chores.
It’s been a little bit of an adjustment not using my social media. At first, I noticed myself going to open one of the apps only to find it not there. It was like I was autopilot. For example, I was with my mom and we stopped for gas and as soon as she was out of the car I went to open Facebook, except I couldn’t. I realized I had been using social media to fill every moment of silence in my life. I couldn’t even sit quietly in the car for 10 minutes without checking my phone.
Since deleting social media, I have noticed a slight change in my mood. I won’t be cheesy and say it changed my life, but I will say I’ve stopped being the person who worries if my outfits are post worthy, I’ve stopped spending an absurd amount of time finding the perfect caption no one is going to read or care about except me, I’ve stopped trying to get the perfect sunset picture or boomerang, stopped worrying about the numbers of likes I have, and mostly I’ve stopped worrying if I look good enough to post the picture or wondering why so and so’s life is so much more glamorous and better than mine. I’m not trying to make it seem like social media is bad or ruined my self-confidence, but it’s true (there are hundreds of studies) that seeing how great everyone’s life is on social media takes a toll. But social media isn’t an accurate description of life. People post their success and happiness, which they should, but I think it’s way too to easy to forget that nobody’s life is that perfect and just because their selfie got 200 likes and yours didn’t doesn’t make you less worthy or likeable.
Besides, taking some time to reflect how social media affected me, I’ve filled my days with reading, painting and just being present to the world around me. There are still times I wonder what’s happening on social media and even times I want to post a picture, but I’m slowly overcoming that. I get through most days not even thinking about what’s happening or even feeling the need to check my accounts. Sometimes I still feel like I’m missing out, but I just remember that if it’s really important someone will tell me about it personally because if I’m being honest I only care about or actually personally know a select few people on my accounts.
Like I said, I don’t have a goal to not go on social media. If anything, it started out as a curiosity and I could add my accounts back next week for all I know or next year. For now, I’m just trying to take in the last semester of my undergrad and appreciate the people in front of me not on my phone screen.