Not a joke. Somehow I managed to snag a boyfriend shortly after turning 16 and hold on to him for close to 5 years. Then, I broke up with him. Was it the right choice? I still have no clue, and what’s really great is that I probably will never know. Am I qualified to give relationship advance? I’m not sure anyone is because every situation is different. All I know is that I was one of the lucky ones. I was lucky enough to have a boyfriend who was completely in love with me for five years who never considered being with anyone else, hence why I was crying in an Uber three weeks ago wondering why the hell I broke up with him.
I put it off for a long time. After studying abroad in Italy for four months, he was the one who picked me up from the airport. I remember getting in the car and almost balling because we had been separated for so long that I felt like I didn’t even know him. That was a year and a half before I actually ended it. For the most part, I just felt like I wasn’t in love with him anymore. He was my best friend, no doubt, but as for sexual chemistry, it was just about nonexistent on my end, and I was only 20. What kept me there longer than I wanted to be was that he had done nothing wrong. How could I justify breaking up with my best friend of almost five years when he had done literally nothing wrong?
It’s important to note that we went to the same high school and are from the same home town, but spent about ⅔ of the year apart, and it wasn’t about to get any better. I spent January through April of this Spring in Chicago for a Tax internship, while he was in Ohio at school. After four years of long-distance for the majority of every year, I was tired. Also important to note that I really like boys. I’ve always been a flirt (nothing more), and I have never been into the idea of marriage. I was on the verge of 21, extremely bored, and would rather be single for the rest of my life than be with someone that I knew I didn’t love anymore.
The first two months were a breeze. It felt very long overdue, and I finally felt free. I need to repeat that this was the first time that I had been single since I was 16. At this point, I was in Ohio doing summer classes, and he was in Chicago for the summer. Then I came home at the end of June.
When I originally broke up with him, we agreed that one thousand percent we would remain friends because how could we not? Then I found out he was seeing someone else, only two months after we had broken up. When I originally broke up with him, I didn’t even consider the idea of him seeing someone else, especially in the near future. So in summary, the next two months involved a lot of crying.
Six months later, things are a lot better. Some days I cry a concerning amount because I think I screwed myself over and will never find love again. Other days I’m way too obsessed with another Bumble boy (living my best life), but then that boy puts you on hold because he’s “getting over a breakup.” Getting over heartbreak is never linear. Some people “get over it” faster than others and most people are probably pretending that they’re okay. So feel free to spend the next hour bawling to the new Lana Del Rey album on repeat. Things feel hopeless now, but as long as the world doesn’t end, you will eventually find someone that will make you realize that it was all for the best.