When should you start going out when you reach college?
He Said: Here’s a scenario for you: It’s Streak Week, you just moved onto campus, went through the ringer of activity after activity, somehow managed to find the time to organize your room, and now you want to relax with some caramel corn and sno-cones. You roll over there, and meet some people that seem pretty cool, and they ask you to go out with them. You find a house and are having a good time, when out of the corner of your eye, you see Michelle, who you met 2 hours earlier and came to the party with, leaving the house with a guy. She is drunk, but not terribly so, and she looks like she’s down to leave with him. Two thoughts rush through your head: “This looks like this could be a bad situation, she’s drunk and I am not sure she would do this if she was sober…BUT, I also just met her. Maybe this is why she wanted to go out? It’s not uncommon for girls to go out with the intention of hooking up, and if I intervene and she is actually cool with leaving with him, then I am going to look like a complete idiot.” Which action would you take? You only met her two hours ago – you may have no clue what her intentions were for the night. Worst case scenario, Michelle actually did not intend to hook up with anybody, and…you get the idea. The unfortunate truth is that drunken mistakes, miscommunications, and predatory assaults do happen, and they are much more common in the first few weeks of school. That is what can happen when you unleash 1000 drooling 18 year olds with their first taste of freedom upon a college campus. Spend the first few weeks of school getting to know some good friends, learning about each other, and connecting on a deeper level than a mutual desire to get into “The Jungle.” There is no shame in going out and having a good time, but do so when you are ready and with a group of friends that you know and trust. It is no longer trivial to intervene when you’ve known Michelle for a full month, and you are 100% sure that this is not something she would want to do sober. Your experience going out will be drastically better when you know there are people that have your back.
She Said: Going out for freshmen can be a completely overwhelming experience to begin with. If you go out your first night or let alone first weekend these are the people you just met and aren’t exactly the most reliable to be partying with at this point. Also, going out with just a group of girls isn’t the best decision because guys can see you as a target, especially if it is only a few of you. If you do want to go out you should try and find good people to have in your life that are trustworthy and will have your back if something goes wrong. Sexual assault is the first thing that comes to mind when thinking about this and you should be doing everything you can to prevent it from happening – starting with just being smart with the decisions you make.
Should you continue your long distance high school relationship in college?
He Said: The answer to this question hinges on your ability to be comfortable with a complete loss of physical intimacy. Intimacy is a huge part of a relationship, especially in college, where times get tough and the homework gets tougher. Even if you love the person, a happy relationship can turn to pain when you feel that what you want most is your significant other next to you, but they are 2 states away. The reality is that college marks a new point in your life and most likely the life of your significant other – you will begin to decide on your career, what you want to do, and where you want to live. You may decide that Cleveland is the place for you and you want to settle down here after college. That poses a problem for your boyfriend who is still chillin’ in Florida. College has so much to offer, with new people, experiences, and yes, love to explore. If you are anxious, unhappy, or frustrated with the circumstances of your relationship more than you are happy, it may be time to drop the hometown lover (Fun Fact: Turkey Drop – the phenomenon in which college freshmen end their high school relationship during Thanksgiving break). There is so much to experience in college, nobody will fault you for opening yourself to those new experiences. Brace yourself, though: 4 years from now, you will be going through the entire process all over again.
She Said: It depends on the situation. If it is a healthy relationship and you consider them your absolute best friend then it should be manageable. Also, if you are on the fence about continuing dating someone in college you can see how the first few months go, then make your decision (Hence Marlon’s reference to “The Turkey Drop”). Be realistic in the first place because being 10 hours away from your significant other is going to be harder to manage than if you are only a short distance away.
Are the friends you make in the first month of college the friends you’ll keep?
He Said: Parents give all sorts of advice before you go to college, most of it bad, embarrassing, or unneeded (You’re right Mom, maybe I SHOULD just be myself to make friends. Who woulda thought!), and for the most part, we all ignore or forget most of it anyways. There is one piece of advice, though, that my mom gave me before my freshman year, and it was true then and has stuck with me ever since. She said “When you first get to college, you will make a ton of friends. Over time, though, you will realize that 80% of those friends are stuck in high school. You will drop them, and the 20% you have left over will be your friends for the next 4 years and beyond.” Some of the friends you make at the beginning of college could very well be your lifelong friends. But others will be stuck on some immature stuff: drama, gossip, cliques, and all around trying to maintain the same sort of environment that exists in high school. Don’t be afraid to leave these people, but before you go, tape a big “NEWSFLASH” sign to their forehead, explaining that this is college, and we don’t play that game here. Hopefully they will learn to mature eventually, but you will free yourself to explore the wonders of college: the myriad clubs and activities; the organizations you can be a part of; the people who have experiences completely different from yours, with different perspectives, insights, and values; and the people who are mature enough to treat you with the respect that you deserve. These will be the people you make connections with. These will be your lifelong friends. Do not lose your chance of finding them because you are hanging around with a bunch of dopes who all suffer from reverse Benjamin-Buttons Disease.
She Said: It is very rare to keep the people you first meet in life after you find your place in college. Finding true friends takes time and you have to go through experiences to really find the people who are with you through thick and thin. Sometimes quality is more important than quantity. Mainly because a few good friends can be a lot better than 10 friends who wouldn’t watch out for you or be reliable. Going through different groups happens when you’re trying to find your place, but once you find good friends, you’ll know.