As college girls, I am sure we have all been in a relationship or atleast a “situationship.” They are fun and great until they aren’t. Going through a breakup in college is weird, because you are away from all of your friends and family. You don’t have the support you typically would, and you have to heal on your own. I have been looking up ways to get over a breakup and here is what I have discovered through my research and my own experiences. But before I go into it, I want to say one thing. If you are going to break up with someone, stick to it. Going back and forth, quite literally makes the situation so much harder to get over. If you aren’t sure how you feel, take some time to figure it out and know that reaching out for professional help is always an option.
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First things first, let it out. Whether you are sad, angry, happy, relieved, anxious, or whatever you may be feeling, feel it and let it out. If you feel the need to go out the first night and get drunk, do it. If you feel you need to stay in bed wrapped up in the covers, do it. Give yourself a few days to be a vulnerable mess. It is okay to fall apart sometimes, but this can only last a few days or else it will become a habit. Give yourself some grace and let it all out.
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Express these emotions. Write about it. Create art about it. Keep track of your feelings, experiences, thoughts, and anything else you feel the need to. Writing about your feelings not only helps you to get it out, but you don’t have to worry about hearing a response, and nobody will ever see it. Be as honest as possible in your journal. It is also beneficial because you can track how you are feeling and slowly see your progress. Some days will be much better than others and that is okay. It is a good reminder that healing is not linear. Chances are, nobody is going to see what you’re writing if you have a good hiding spot, so write about anything you want.
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You need to cut off all contact. You can’t wake up to them texting you good morning and you can’t call them because you miss them. When you break up with someone not only are you feeling grief, but you are also going through withdrawal. You need a few weeks to detach and unravel from this person. Every time you break the no contact rule, the clock restarts. When you really want to break contact, write about it or call a friend. I promise there is nothing worse than stalking your ex on social media and seeing something you don’t want to see.
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Keep yourself busy, start new hobbies, invest in yourself, and spend time alone. You are going to have a lot of free time now. Instead of spending it partying, crying, or swiping on tinder, use this time to idolize yourself. All of the energy you put into your ex needs to now be put into yourself. Read, take a walk, do yoga, put on a facemask, whatever it may be to keep you busy, just make sure it is benefiting you. Keep your coping skills healthy.
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Focus on being mindful in all areas of your life. Whether you are eating a meal with your family, having coffee on campus with a friend, or studying in the library, enjoy it and be mindful. It is so easy to take things in life for granted because you are focused on everything else. Enjoy the little things in life and be grateful. Finding little points of joy and happiness in your days are going to make life feel more like you are living and not surviving.
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Love yourself. Fall in love with yourself. Reinvent yourself. You can do this internally, externally, or both. Whatever you want to change, change it. Nothing changes if nothing changes. Cut your hair, dye it, get a new wardrobe, find ways to uniquely reinvent yourself. What I mean by this is to become the version of yourself that you want to become. Become the girl you used to think about when you were five years old in the back of your moms car in 2008, while ‘Glamorous’ by Fergie played. Create the woman you have always wanted to be.
Breakups are not easy and let me tell you they are certainly not fun. But if you look at it from a far, and not so close up, breakups are a beautiful thing. They open you up to new roads, new adventures, and new opportunities. So, congratulations on your breakup. There is nothing wrong with breaking up with someone you don’t want to be with. Don’t look at breakups as something ending, but as something beginning. You aren’t moving on to a new chapter, but rather a new book. If you are going through a breakup, now is the time to get into new hobbies, make new friends, and most importantly, love yourself. I promise, you will be okay and even better than before. Remember you are young and have the world at your fingertips. Congratulations on your breakup!