To my first friend, and the best one
I know we have the same eyes, we just see the world so differently.
Sometimes I remember the constant fighting.
The constant screaming and crying.
The constant hitting.
I never felt safe with you.
I tried hard to fight back.
I was told to deal with it.
We were told we would forget about it one day.
We were told that one day we’ll be best friends.
How could I love someone that hurt me everyday?
I hid everything from you and trusted you the least.
Knowing me only made you mock me.
How could I stay in a house of conflict, alongside someone hating me?
Everyone said it
Just wait
One day
You’ll be best friends
One day something changed
One day you asked me a question and I answered it honestly.
You didn’t laugh at me, but you wanted to know more.
And then, you didn’t let go of my hand.
I’m so glad for that day.
I wasn’t afraid of you anymore.
Soon, our screaming turned into singing in the car.
Soon, we told each other everything.
Our secrets from each other, became secrets between us.
Now, you ask for my advice.
I love you and wonder about you.
How can you be younger than me but know so much more?
I see how generous you are and how loving you can be.
You appreciate me when I’m here.
You’ve stopped making me cry, and cried with me instead.
We have the same eyes, but now we have matching tattoos.
We’re making the same memories together.
You’re my first call.
My first friend.
But now I have some news for you.
I won’t be here much longer.
I’m leaving now and I’m moving far away.
I don’t know when I’ll come home and I don’t know who I’ll be without you.
Who will be there to steal my clothes?
Who will be there to yell about our futures and laugh about our family?
Who will understand me if you’re not with me?
I don’t know but,
I promise I’ll never hang up the phone without saying “I love you.”
If I close my eyes and wish, can I see you soon?
Now we have the same eyes but different visions, and mine make me see too far away.
I love you, G