Years ago, I was completely captivated by this instagram edit:
I remember being a freshman in college and absolutely captivated by the dichotomy of the image and all its layers that hit me at once: about society, modesty, respect, and so on. If you’ve seen this image before, I’m sure you know exactly what I’m talking about. Three years before I saw this Instagram edit, my high school “Cultures of the World” class taught me that in the majority of countries in the worlds’ Eastern hemisphere, modest women are seen as empowered, while immodest women are not-–American media is the opposite.
While I recognize much work needs to be done, I have to acknowledge that I’ve matured in a generation discouraging narrow mindedness, and a culture that has begun to question systems we have in place. From the time I was young, until now, in my young adult years I’ve seen people question *why* we do certain things—as if to push back against societal restrictions. As this has been done, new challenges have been presented. I saw women dressed in clothing—that family taught me to slut-shame—as new symbols of empowerment. The question, “what does an empowered woman look like?” never came to mind until seeing the Instagram image above. All I know is, the image on the left would have once been an image I was taught to shame; Now, though, my generation has posed it as an example of an empowered woman. This idea is new, and I argue that it’s come from a younger generation offering “push-back” (if you will) to a patriarchy limiting what empowerment or professionalism ought to be.
However, this push-back argues that women are allowed to be immodest, and it shouldn’t matter how they dress, but what about modest women or those who choose to dress modestly? Seeing this image clearly encapsulates that there is an idea of what new-age media tells us an empowered woman *should* look like–an empowered woman can wear whatever she wants–but what about the image on the right? Now that’s an image challenging our new lens. Even if we acknowledge how progressive modern society has become in the last 10 years, there is still an ignorance and exclusivity about modesty also being empowering… or even modesty as a concept at all.
As I write this article, I’m reminded of an episode of “The Real” talk show, as they did a segment on modesty, or rather, on women dressing for other women. The overall consensus was that an outfit sends a message, and the way we present ourselves is the first thing someone sees and judges. This episode segment articulated the connection between women’s outfits and treatment of women–most often by other women, but also society at large. If you’re interested, I’ll embed the link to this clip of the show.
You’ll find that in conversations about modesty, many women will put one another down, or even shame one another, but some manage to disguise it in a way that they care: this is common online. One YouTube creator, Classically Abby is a creator that is openly “Orthodox aspiring” Jewish and creates content encouraging modesty and being a “classic woman.” However, in doing this, she often puts other women down, and her videos comment sections are frequently flooded with viewers bothered by her superiority over immodest women, and dutiful attitude about women taking responsibility over society objectifying them. Now let’s unpack that. Many of Abby’s videos are seemingly intended to foster a community of support for modest femininity, being a good wife, a good host, and generally a traditional woman–or “classic” woman.” However, upon closer review, much of her content seems to insist what is right or wrong for a woman to do, thereby seemingly policing women’s dress and behavior. Many of her viewers–and online articles about her–take issue with this and argue she isn’t a true feminist. Last year, she faced some backlash for a tweet she made comparing two notable women–Nancy Regan and Madonna–referring to Nancy Regan as “classy living” and Madonna as “trashy living.” That tweet only exemplifies the underlying theme in her content: the implication that there is a right and wrong way to be a woman.
Many of Abby’s critic’s (many in the modest community), argue that she gives modesty a bad name, as she almost insists that women adhere to her suggestions if they want to be “classic.” Some people in mainstream media may see her content and think that modest influencers all have her mindset, but her way isn’t the only way. Lately I have been loving modest fashion creators, and even though Classically Abby is controversial in her videos, I want to provide you with a resource of a more welcoming and inclusive femininity: “With Love, Leena.” Leena Snoubar is a muslim, wife and mother and her content does not preach or find superiority in femininity, or privilege her version of it. She only aims to share her style, home decor, family life, and advice. Her videos are targeted to women, and her audience is likely to be modest women or fellow muslim women. Leena’s manner of speaking is calm and the energy in her videos is inclusive and welcoming. It seems that Leena’s style of modest content is equally interested in femininity (as Abby’s), but she has no implication of shaming those who aren’t modest. Her content is warm and invites her audience to ask questions and learn from one another through Q&A videos, and comment features on various social media platforms.
Being mindful of my point that society too often compares women, I’ll clarify that my goal in comparing these two women’s style of videos is not to be negative, but simply to demonstrate the way modesty can exist in society: in an uplifting way, or a comparative, shameful way. Abby’s way has been criticized as hurtful, and Leena’s viewers have praised her for being inclusive and encouraging to women on their journey of modesty, or simply shared experience of being a woman. This article isn’t just about modesty, but rather how modesty (or immodesty) effects our treatment of people: it’s the way we treat women based on how they look.
isn’t just about modesty… it’s the way we treat women based on how they look
The same week I’m writing this article, my Psychology of Women class had us watch a documentary called Miss Representation about sexism in America, most prominently seen in the media, in both politics and the entertainment industry. Created and directed from the perspective of an actor and woman in Hollywood, Jennifer Siebel Newsom created this documentary to bring attention to the injustices and objectification against women. Personally, being transparent, I was very moved by the documentary. My eyes watered multiple times, I became angry multiple times, and proud multiple times: it did its job, and it made an impact. The film was made in 2011, but it felt so current. Many celebrities and public personalities were featured in the documentary, like Katie Kurik, Nancy Pelosi, Jane Fonda, Lisa Ling, Rachel Maddow, and Rosario Dawson, just to name a few. These women spoke about their experience in the public eye and scrutiny they faced as they represented women, when they had no representation growing up.
One moving quote from the documentary was “you can’t be what you can’t see.” When it comes to representation, it’s true, you can’t be what you can’t see. How can a girl be president when she can’t see Hillary Clinton in the Primary elections? How can girls of color dream of being CEO’s when they aren’t taught about Ursula Burns–the former CEO of Xerox and the first black woman to be a CEO of a Fortune 500 company? But most of all: How can she believe she is worth it, if all she sees is comments about women’s bodies and outfits as the main focus, instead of what they have to say?
It affects women tremendously when we see (as the documentary put it) Sarah Palin being “sexualized and ditz-ified” in the media, and Hillary “called a bitch” and villainized. The film showed prominent male news anchors and men in radio shows (like Rush Limbaugh) commenting on Nancy Pelosi needing plastic surgery, or how sexy Sarah Palin is. Even photos taken of Palin’s election rally crowds, photos taken from an angle between her legs, are damaging and completely objectifying of her, and ignores anything her election platform was about. Miss Representation provides a huge array of evidence to how women are objectified in media and advertisements, with one CEO saying “turning a woman into a thing is the first step in turning violence against that person.”
Now let’s discuss, how should we behave, or present ourselves, in a hypocritical society that not only objectifies women in politics, slut-shames women’s behavior and fashion, but also shames modesty? What are women to do? I’m so thankful to be maturing in a society that questions these things and is calling people out for narrow-minded thinking about women’s clothing and behavior. Miss Representation also covers the notion that modesty as an issue is hugely related to society’s views of women, and the sexualization from the media is “disempowering women,” and forbids public figures from being taken seriously, by commenting on every aspect of how they look.
femininity in itself is socially constructed
Let’s acknowledge that society restricts women to be a certain way, and women dressing how they like is their way to take power back. While we can acknowledge societal expectations about what a woman *should* look like, the topic of being “feminine” comes up. Just as this article examines what an “empowered” woman should look like, we also think about what femininity *should* look like, but femininity in itself is socially constructed. I recognize that femininity is subjective; it’s whatever you make it look like. When I think of femininity, I think of things like sweetness, pink, softness, lace. Femininity can also be kindness, it can also be classiness. Most interestingly, in a recent Psychology of Women class, my professor asked us to think about the most feminine woman we knew. What we found was that we all visualize a different woman when we think about a feminine person. That’s the point. Femininity is subjective and can be a lot of things. The issue that persists is society respecting it.
I mentioned earlier in this article that a lot of women face criticism from other women–which is also a byproduct of society’s scrutiny. This can come from society telling us that we aren’t good enough, and should aspire to be another way (see mainstream movies and social media for examples), but it also can come from fear. Many people fear what they don’t know, many people fear what they can’t be or what they can’t live up to. With this in mind, I direct your attention to a quote said by a male high school student in the final credits portion of Miss Representation: “Don’t be threatened by her, be inspired by her.” The documentary ended with a myriad of many empowering statements from young people, and one of my favorites was, “measure yourself on your accomplishments, not how you look.”
As my generation tries to unpack the layers of what a woman is “allowed” to look and dress like, we’ll keep running into the issue of modesty. We can acknowledge that a woman does need to dress modestly in order to be respected, but when a woman chooses to dress modestly, that is equally about her taking her power back. Our outward presentation is the first thing the world sees but it’s not who we are, and our clothing choice shouldn’t equate to our treatment by society. Dressing the way we like is powerful, but true power is knowing it’s not about how you look, but about what you have to say.