Now that I am approaching the end of my undergraduate degree, I am reflecting on everything that I have experienced along the way. Starting out, I joined the marching band here at IUP. I thought that it would be just as easy as high school, and I loved doing color guard. This gave me the best and the worst experiences. I meant some really great people, was able to perform one last time, and even got to perform at a collegiate band festival (which was one of the best feelings that I have ever had). However, that first semester I missed out on a lot. I didn’t get to do welcome weekend because of band camp, and I will never get that back. I didn’t get to have a lot of evenings to myself because we had practice 3 times a week in the evening and on Saturday my day was already taken, there was nothing else but practice and game day.
I wouldn’t take back doing marching band because it was an experience and I got Alyson out of it. However, I wish I could get back the opportunities it took from me. I meant my fiancé, whom I have dated all throughout college in October of my first semester. Before that though, I was alone. I had no one but my friend Taylor that commuted. My roommate was a BEACH, I was scared to talk to people, and I didn’t get to go to events to make friends. Taylor helped me get through my first semester because we ate lunch most days during the week. It was one less day that I didn’t have to eat alone. However, in the evenings I was most alone and there was nobody here or the couple people I did talk to were busy and I didn’t want to bother them.
I didn’t have a car on campus. A car on campus is essential. If you already have one you know. This inhibited me from exploring. This inhibited me from seeing my mom unless she came to get me. This just put a lot of hardship on me. I was alone with no car and no friends. That’s what it felt like. My mom had no idea of how I felt. I didn’t want to make her sad or feel bad about what was happening. My mom, however, is one of the best people in my life. When I am sad a hug from her helps so much. I don’t know if it is just a mom’s hug that hits different or what, but I love them. My mom is my hero, and I couldn’t have done it without her. I am my biggest hater and when I am alone, I start to think. I don’t like sitting at home all day every day. I don’t like never doing anything. I can’t stay at home all of the time; it is just not who I am.
https://www.instagram.com/p/CAAxiYWn5nzGhMaAd-ItdaaepSnA3ZmTqkfKJQ0/ (my mom and I)
Towards the end of my sophomore fall semester, my dad bought me a car. This gave me so much freedom and happiness. I was able to get out, explore, and see things. I know Indiana like the back of my hand now. Anthony gave me the college experience that I wanted. Even before I had a car, he made sure we got out and did things. The thing is what mattered to me was that we did them together. Anthony’s room was the hangout. I meant my best friend, Christyn, through him and I have a lot of other really great friends also through him, Cordell, Dan, Dakota, and Carleen. He was with me 24/7. He made sure I wasn’t alone. Anthony took me to Pittsburgh, his house (across the state), so many places and got me out. Since the pandemic everything fell apart, we were forced home not knowing what was to come. We stayed strong throughout this whole ordeal. We lost so many important people during it and most importantly, we were separated.
https://www.instagram.com/p/CblrocpuT4EG2iU7aWbYcFODN_juVDL-wiKVLg0/ (Anthony and I)
Since COVID is dropping we have almost gone back to normal. It is different though. People are still living in fear. Things that we did before in college are not the same. It was like we started as freshmen again when coming back and nobody knew how to college. Anthony graduated and I am by myself again. I have Christyn though. People can say what they want about her and have their opinions, but Christyn has always been there, we have always been there for each other, and I will make sure our friendship stays intact after we leave here.
I started out in college knowing exactly what I was going to do in the end. Now that I am at the end, I have no clue what I am going to do. I have ideas and aspirations but until they are set in motion, I can’t say whether or not they will happen. It’s like I am waiting to graduate to find out what I am doing but I feel like I should have a solid answer on what I am doing before I graduate. A mess. That’s my life. What I do know is all of the things that I had gone through in college. The drama, laughs, cries, loneliness, anger, etc. all have made me a better person and I know that wherever I end up that I will do great things.
My elementary school used to tell us “Strive for perfection to catch excellence”. Nobody is perfect and nobody can reach perfection but if you try you may get the outcome you wanted. You also know that you did everything that you could to try to reach your goal. I don’t know exactly which path I am going to end up choosing but what I do know is that I am going to try everything to get there. If I fail, I failed trying and that is all I can do. Try. So, in the end, the heartbreak, the laughs, the sadness, the anger, the lies, the loss, everything doesn’t matter and is not worth overthinking. These were just steps to now and now I am off to do the greatest of things. Thanks to the people who contributed to my story.
Check out my Instagram to see all of the great people who have been a part of my journey: