Growing up I was one of the many little girls with short hair and bangs. Why every mother in the early 2000s gives her child short hair and bangs are beyond me. It was not a look.
But recently I began to wonder what it would be like to have short hair again. Long hair was always something prized, but my hair was always slow to grow; never quite as long as I wanted it to be.
Like most other girls my age, I was obsessed with mermaids and desperately wanted their long hair.
But having such fine hair always left my hair looking stringy and damaged at the ends. The stringiness of my hair was worth it to me to get that long mermaid hair. However, I always wished my hair was as thick and luscious as the hair I would see in movies or magazines.
After going through some major life changes like living on my own in a foreign country and going through a breakup I wanted to do something new. I saw so many celebrities with the long bob and they all looked so good so I knew that was something I wanted to try.
However, when I made a salon appointment and tried to tell the stylist what I wanted I was near tears asking her to cut my hair short. We both agreed at that time that I was not emotionally ready to cut my hair. I left the salon thoroughly confused. I did not expect to have such an emotional reaction to having my hair cut shorter but I was faced with this fear of suddenly going back to that dorky little kid with short hair and bangs. I have done so much to grow and be proud of the person I am, going back is not an option, and having a similar haircut to when I was younger felt like a regression.
But emotionally holding onto my long hair is also unhealthy.
Fast forward to the end of this summer, I was at the beach for the last time with a dear friend of mine for high school and I was lamenting over this issue.
Until she said, “I have scissors.”
I wasn’t sure how to respond and just let out a nervous giggle. If I was too scared to get my hair cut by a professional than having my hair cut by my best friend should have been even scarier. But oddly enough I was comforted by the idea. She knew me. She’s seen me grow and change as I’ve seen her do the same. On some level, I think she knew the insecurities that had manifested in my hair.
Growing up I was always so shy and often tried to hide away from the world using my hair as a shield. To cut it off is to release me to the world and be brave, confident and seen; my biggest fear.
At least it used to be my biggest fear. Lately, I want to be seen. I am confident and I want to show the world everything I have to offer it because just as I deserve to be seen in this world the world deserves to see me.