Her Campus Logo Her Campus Logo
Wellness > Sex + Relationships

What to do When You Think You’ve Fallen Out of Love

This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Illinois State chapter.

Everyone knows of the “it’s not you, it’s me” breakup excuse and the variety of reasons behind it, but what if it really is you? What if your partner has done nothing wrong – they have not lied to you, cheated on you, been unkind to you or any other reason for breaking up with someone? What if, for some reason, you are confused and uncertain about them – them who you might have been dating for days, months or maybe even years, with no doubts until now? And if they have not done anything to provoke these thoughts, then why? Maybe, just maybe, it is you, and you are simply just falling out of love.

So, you think you have fallen out of love, do you wait it out and hope it gets better, or leave because of the inevitable end? As there are a number of confusing meanings and feelings that come with falling out of love, here are some signs and tips to help you understand if you have fallen out of love and what to do about it.

Signs you might be falling out of love:

  • Lack of physical intimacy/attraction
    • While factors like stress, trauma, business, comfort and so on can affect your libido, if you find yourself sexually unattracted to your partner – with no desire to rejuvenate it – you may be falling out of love.
  • Less interested in time with them
    • Couples during the honeymoon phase want to spend every second together, and it is normal once the phase is over to value time apart. You might be falling out love though if you instead want to spend time with everyone else and have no desire to leave time for your partner.
  • Everything they do is starting to annoy you
    • Once you are with someone for a while, and you spend a lot of time with them, it is normal to notice little things that may bother you. However, if everything they do or say, whether it is the way they eat, the tone of their voice when they talk or other things, is starting to annoy you, you may be falling out of love.
  • No longer having meaningful conversations
    • You might be falling out of love if you and your partner are no longer talking about the meaningful or hard things in your lives or with each other, and instead are coasting by with conversations you could have with anyone.  
  • Comparing them to others/other relationships
    • Being human means its normal to find people who are not your partner attractive, and to look up to other relationships, but constantly comparing you partner and relationship to other people and relationships – and finding your partner relationship fall short – might mean you are falling out of love.
  • Constant negative thoughts/feelings  
    • At the end of the day, relationships are supposed to be a place of comfort, respect and happiness. You might be falling out of love if that is not the case, and instead you find your relationship brining you confusion, uncertainty and unhappiness.

What to do about it:  

  1. Don’t panic
    • Relationships go through good and bad times, and this may just be a bad time. Panicking and acting on impulse will not result in your happiness. You will forever question if you made the right choice of staying or leaving. In order to avoid this, stay calm, don’t panic and continue to think about your feelings.
  2. Give it time
    • Give the feelings you’re experiencing time. Are you still feeling uncertain/confused? Have the feelings gone away? Maybe even try journaling your daily feelings to get a better overall understanding of if you’re more unhappy than happy.
  3. Have an open and honest conversation with your partner
    • Tell your partner how you’re feeling, they may be feeling the same way. If not, how do they respond? Are you annoyed with their answer? Hearing what they have to say and feeling your reaction to it might be an answer in itself.
  4.  Go with your gut   
    • At the end of the day, you know yourself best. You know deep down what you want to do, so do that.

Whether you decide to stay and try to rekindle your relationship or to leave and move forward with your life, do what is best for you. If it turns out that what is best for is not your partner anymore, so be it. People change and outgrow things all the time, and your relationship just might be one of them, and that is okay.

Alexa Fricilone

Illinois State '23

Alexa is a recent journalism graduate of Illinois State University and current student at NYU's Summer Publishing Institute. She has been a contributing writer since 2021 and our Junior Editor since 2022. Follow her on Instagram @alexafricilone