I was a dancer for 15 years before coming to college. My whole life revolved around dance and it was a large part of my identity, but my dance career stopped as college began. While I have kept the love of dance in my heart, it’s been hard to lose my creative outlets in college.
It’s difficult to have hobbies in college, especially those that take such a large amount of creative energy and time. School work and other responsibilities keep students busy to the point where sometimes there isn’t time to engage in longer hobby projects. Before college, I would draw, journal, dance or even bake at least once a day. Lately, I’ve been especially grieving the loss of these hobbies.
I find myself constantly wishing I had time to pursue my hobbies, but when I do have any time to myself, I don’t have the energy to do anything besides lay in bed. When I do have an opportunity to start a creative project, I end up never finishing it or looking at it months later and hating it. I get so focused on the tasks that are required in college and then don’t have time or energy for anything outside of that.
While I can fulfill a part of my creative self by writing articles, it doesn’t completely replicate the creative energy I had flowing through me before college. I feel like the spark is gone, especially without dance. In college, I cannot completely duplicate the feeling of showing up to dance class, warming up, and rehearsing for an anticipated performance. It just isn’t the same as it was.
Of course, I love all of the new skills and activities I have started in college, but I miss some parts of my life as a dancer. It was a part of me for so long that not participating in dance feels like I have lost a piece of myself. There’s an emptiness in me that I cannot fulfill with anything else. It’s hard to work on something you’re so passionate about for a long time and then just let it go one day. Looking back, I felt like I never understood how difficult it would be for me to not dance anymore. Before I was in college, I didn’t realize how little time I would have to continue my hobbies. I didn’t realize how I would have to occupy my time with other things.
For me, dance will always be a part of me. It will always be something I love and will try to incorporate into my life. Fortunately, my summer job gives me an opportunity to explore my artistic passions, even dance. While during the school year I feel unsatisfied with the amount of creative time I have, I am fortunate to get these opportunities through my work. I value the moments when I can take a minute out of my day to draw, journal/write, or just do a little stretch, then carry on. It gives me moments of satisfaction.