The daily walk on the quad on your way to class can be such a serene experience. Coffee in hand, headphones in, taking in all the sights of your beautiful campus, what could be more peaceful? Unfortunately, there are the few and proud fellow classmates on standby to completely ruin your stroll. As a speed walker, I take great pride in my ability to make it across campus in only a few minutes and these campus crawlers even stop me dead in my tracks. To alleviate my own frustrations and help my fellow woman (and man) avoid these awful perpetrators, it is without further ado I present you this list of people to avoid at all costs.
1) The Next Beyonce, Luke Bryan, Lil Wayne, etc.
This individual is easy to spot on campus because you can hear them from a few hundred feet away. Completely plugged in and utterly tuned out, these individuals are by far the most distracting quad dwellers. Not only are these hopeful rockstars shouting their own rendition of Taylor Swift’s “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together” but the jam sesh has drained all potential for their walking speed to be any greater than my grandma after she got her hip replacement.
2) The Social Butterflies
This individual is usually not alone. They can be found in groups of two and sometimes even small groups yapping away about the ten thousand different reasons he didn’t text back last weekend. No matter the topic of conversation, their feet are not moving even remotely close to the pace of their mouths. Be warned: the group may even decide to stand directly in the center of the sidewalk, clogging all traffic both ways. There’s no shame in plowing right through the center, cause ain’t nobody got time for that!
3) Tour Groups
The largest and most inconvenient group of people: the potential incoming freshman. As if the endless line of students and their parents isn’t enough, a majority of them are going to be stopping and staring at the campus along the way. Take this opportunity to cut through the group and save yourself from the rest of the awkward stares the remainder of the line will shoot you. Don’t make our campus look bad now and elbow through the entire group, but let’s show these potential students how swiftly we can walk on this campus.
As for the rest of slow pokes you will surely encounter on campus who don’t fall into these categories, I wish you the best of luck. In the words of Patches O’Houlihan: “dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge!” You can make it past in a hurry!