Dating apps. Whether you have personal experience with them or not, you’re probably well-acquainted with names like Tinder and Bumble. With hundreds of potential candidates available at the swipe of your finger, it’s hard to question their popularity. The idea of casual dating never particularly interested me, but I eventually decided to give the apps a try in my second year of college.
Setting up my profile was a quick process, and starting a conversation took mere minutes. I admit that the early stages of “swiping” and conversing was exciting, but after six months I decided to permanently delete my profiles. Sure, dating apps are a convenient way to connect with people you’d otherwise never have the chance to meet. But for all the speedy connections and fun conversations, I found there were more negatives than positives.
- It’s very time consuming
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It’s important to determine whether you actually click with someone before you agree to meet them in person. However, this process takes some time. When the entirety of your conversations take place on your phone it’s only natural that you find yourself spending excessive time staring at your screen. I’d initially thought that dating apps wouldn’t have any impact on my “real” life, but I soon found that in order to form fairly stable connections, I needed to be consistent and timely with my responses. It may seem obvious, but I’d created my profiles with the notion that I would be able to separate my daily routine with my time on the apps. Instead, it turned out I needed to put just as much focus—if not more—into what was going on on my phone as I did with my everyday life.
- A lot of your success is based on your texting skill
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Talking online and in-person are two very different things. Some people are good at both, while others tend to be more skilled in one or the other. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being better at one form of communication, but when first impressions are based solely off of what you can type, your ability to text is the key to getting a date. There were several times when I couldn’t help but wonder if I’d be able to get along with someone if the conversation were taking place in person. When you’ve never met someone and you’re trying to get a read on their personality based off of texts, it’s really hard to gain a proper understanding of when they’re joking, when they’re serious, or if what they’re saying is even genuine. IRL you might be a great match (as partners or as friends), but if one or both of you aren’t so skilled at texting it’s pretty much impossible to understand one another. Simply reading words on a screen allows us to assign our own meanings to the message, so it can be hard to understand what’s really being said.
- It’s really hard to get to know someone as a “person”
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This is by far the biggest challenge I personally faced. When I meet someone for the first time, I find being friends is the easiest way to get to know them. But when you factor in dating and relationships, it becomes harder to understand someone’s authentic self. It’s only natural to present the best version of yourself while on a date. However, I found the problem with these apps is you get to know someone purely through dates . When you’re judging someone based entirely on whether or not you could see yourself in a relationship with them, I personally find it difficult to view them objectively. Even the rare times I did meet someone I thought I might “click” with, texting and the occasional date here and there weren’t enough to fully understand them as a “person”.
I was active on the apps for only about six months, but it’s safe to say that I don’t see myself returning to them anytime soon. My “dating life” has since gone extinct, but I can’t say I mind too much. It is pretty freeing to not stress over how to keep an online conversation going or dealing with pre-date nerves. But I will say that my experience wasn’t all negative. I did have the opportunity to converse with some very interesting people at nearby colleges and I can state with confidence that my texting skills improved dramatically.
Do I recommend dating apps? I wouldn’t say no. No matter what happens, you’re sure to walk away with a good lesson and some new experiences. It wasn’t until I gave online dating a chance that I learned it wasn’t for me. So, if you feel up to the challenge, why not give it a go? After all, you never know who you might end up meeting!