At this moment, I’m on a Hawaiian Airlines flight back to Honolulu, Hawaii to finish my degree, while my boyfriend stays back in Los Angeles, California to become an electrician. Yes, we are doing the whole long-distance relationship “thing” and no, it isn’t easy, but we’ve learned how to keep the love alive. Usually, I’d break down into a flood of tears begging him to give me a reason to stay seconds before leaving his car and saying goodbye, but this time was different. I didn’t tell him, “I can’t don’t this anymore, go find someone you can be happy with that actually lives in California” for the millionth time. I didn’t beg him to tell me to stay. I didn’t cry. I didn’t even flinch at the fact that there’s thousands of miles and an ocean between us. Most importantly, I didn’t create crazy scenarios in my head of what he does when I’m not around. Before I stepped out of his car and made my way to the terminal, we hugged, he gave me a kiss on my forehead (my favorite), grabbed my face, looked into my eyes and said, “I’ll see you soon. I love you so much, this is only temporary.” He’s right (for once, LOL JK), the distance is temporary. We’ve been doing the whole long-distance relationship “thing” for about two and a half years now, and we’ve gone longer than 6 months without physically being in each other’s presence, so being away from each other for 3 months is nothing, right? But who am I kidding?! Being away from each other no matter the duration is EVERYTHING, especially if just a couple of years ago we spent every waking moment together. So, like I said before, long-distance relationships aren’t easy and a lot of people doubt them, but here are a few things I’ve learned that have helped to keep our relationSHIP at Bae (get it? LOL).
1. Trust Each Other
If there’s no trust from both partners in the relationship, then can you really be in a long-distance relationship? Don’t question Bae’s every move, don’t lurk through their social media pages every 5 seconds and somehow end up on their aunt’s best friend’s cousin’s page, don’t text/call/video chat them one hundred times if they don’t answer, and don’t call your bestie to have them check on Bae for you every time they go out. It’s hard not to, especially being far away from each other and with the access of social media, but unless you find yourself not trusting your partner for a SOLID reason, just save your sanity, have faith in Bae and let the good times roll.
2. Keep an Open Line of Communication
Communication is K-E-Y. If you want to bring something up to Bae, then be sure to talk to them about it sooner rather than later. When you approach Bae about it, remember to be direct, honest and truthful about whatever it is you want to talk to them about, that way there is no confusion and you don’t send them on a scavenger hunt to figure out what you’re trying to say. Try not to take over the whole conversation, remember to talk and listen in return, and try not to turn it into an argument. Long-distance relationships are tough, you barely have time for each other, so don’t waste it on a pointless argument. Remember, an open line of communication helps to avoid a sticky situation.
3. Be Considerate and Understanding of Bae
Sometimes time differences are your worst enemy. You might be hours ahead of Bae’s schedule or vice versa, so try to remember to be considerate and understanding if they don’t answer your text, open your Snap right away, like your recently posted photo on Instagram, or retweet your tweet. They might still be at work, school, or in another commitment that doesn’t allow for them to be there right when you want them to be. It helps to try to let Bae know that you’re going to be busy for “x” reason for “x” amount of time. I promise you, they’ll try their best to get back to you as soon as they can. I know you’re dying to talk to Bae, but sometimes you have to wait just a little longer than expected.
4. Remember to do the Little Things
Whenever I ask people what it is that keeps the love alive, the usual response is, “it’s the little things.” This couldn’t be more true, especially in a long-distance relationship. I’ve found that sending/receiving cute little “Good morning/Goodnight [insert Bae’s nickname here],” “I miss you,” “I love you,” “I’m thinking about you” messages/Snaps make all the difference. It tells Bae that you took a few seconds out of your schedule to let them know that they were particularly on your mind at that instance. Don’t be ashamed to be little extra once in a while too, and post a #tbt of your hot Bae on your social media page and tag them, that way the whole world (not just Bae) gets reminded that Bae is everything to you. It’ll surprise them!
5. Go Retro
Remember when people would actually call each other and talk before text messages and social media became the epitome of communication. Well, sometimes it’s nice to call Bae and leave them a voicemail (cause they probably won’t answer) telling them how much they mean to you, or that something reminded you of them that day, or play them one of their favorite songs. If you want to go more retro, try writing Bae a love letter and send it through the mail. You can also put together a crafty little care package filled with a few of their favorite goodies, pictures, souvenirs, shoes, clothes, (the possibilities are endless) and have it shipped to them. These surprises will make Bae’s day if you haven’t already.
6. Make Time for Bae
Ask Bae what their schedule is like and try to figure out yours, so that you guys can see what time you are both available for each other. Agree to video chat at that time via Skype, Facetime, WhatsApp, or whatever app you use. If you don’t have a way to video chat, kick it old school and call or text during that time. Tell each other about your day in as much detail as possible so it feels as if they were there, watch a movie/show that you’ve both been wanting to and video chat each other after to talk about it. You could also do homework with each other and ask questions if either of you needs help. Basically, set aside some specific time for you and Bae and even though you can’t be with each other physically, video chatting is the next best thing!
7. Lastly, whenever possible, save some money!
Take a vacation, buy yourself a plane/bus ticket, take your car/rent a car, or have a friend take you to visit Bae. There’s no better feeling than seeing Bae waiting for you at your front door. Though long-distance relationships are hard, hard work pays off.
Hopefully, these tips help you and Bae keep your long-distance relationship together just like they continue to help mine.