(Disclaimer, I am not a tinder expert!)
We have all been there… “I’m bored, which is why I have decided to download tinder.” The first week is fun because you match with a ton of hotties, but sooner or later, you start seeing patterns in their lame pickup lines and weird flexing pictures. I deleted the app after 3 months, but I personally think I gained enough experience to be able to help you out with exposing your tinder matches by just looking at their pictures. It’s not hard to find out what type of guy you just matched with if you know what to look for. Hawaiian tinder is interesting because there are only three types of guys on the app; one-night stand’ers, tourists, and military.
The One-Night Stand’ers
The stereotypical use of tinder is to find someone to hook up with for one night and one night only. Be careful, because here in Hawaii I can promise you that you will meet one sooner or later. Usually, his pictures are so thirsty that you’ll need a bottle of water to keep you hydrated while scrolling through his profile. Pictures where he is flexing in the mirror at the gym, looking really “hot” on the beach, or those typical party pictures where he is pointing at the camera, shirtless, holding his red cup. He has a talent for flattering you, and he will 9/10 times start the conversation by complimenting you. If he is feeling bold and won’t waste any time he will shoot a text saying “dtf? (down to fu*k)” or he’ll invite you to a party. If you’re lucky he will write in his bio “only here for a good time”, then you’ll be 100% sure what’s going on and you can decide if you want to unmatch or try talking with him. Who knows, maybe he turns out to be the dream guy?
Now that we’re in the middle of a pandemic these types of guys are rare… The easiest way to expose a tourist is if he writes in his bio that he is only there for a specific amount of time. If he doesn’t make it obvious and you actually have to analyze his profile, I would start with the pictures. Does he have pictures from Hawaii? Does he have any pictures that include snow? I’m not saying that it’s impossible for people living in Hawaii to have pictures of them in the snow, but it’s rare because usually, they would choose beach or hiking pictures instead. He will probably ask you to show him around the island or ask for recommendations for cool places to go. The fun part about meeting a tourist is that you will probably never see him again, so you can pretty much do whatever you want (just make sure you’re being careful!).
Ladies, I am not joking when I tell you that 89% of all guys on tinder here in Hawaii are military. When we start thinking about the number of existing bases on this island, it makes total sense. There are two types of military guys; those who show that they’re military, and those who hide it. We’re interested in how we can expose those who want to trick us into believing they are not military by the first look at their profile. First of all, look at his hair, because in the military he is not allowed to have a lot of hair. If he has a buzz-cut you have most likely matched with a marine. Other things to look for are tattoos, and I am telling you to especially keep an eye out for American flags- and cliché quote-chest tattoos. Does he take mid-workout mirror pictures where he flexes his arm muscles or shows off his abs? You got it! He will probably start the conversation by telling you how pretty you are, or commenting on something specific from your pictures or bio. Don’t underestimate him, because he may play you and tell you that he is a student at UH or HPU because it’s more likely that girls will match with him if they think he is in college. If he starts mentioning marriage after a couple of days, RUN!! Or stay, it’s your choice ;)
I’m not saying that there are no college guys who want to commit to a relationship on the app because there is, 100%, but here in Hawaii they are rare. This article can help you expose your future tinder matches by just looking at their pictures, analyzing their bio, and reading the first text received from them. You can either use it to avoid the different types of guys or if you are interested in any of them, I just made the hunt easier for you. Don’t forget, there are always people who find love on tinder, and in many cases, they start off as a one-night stand, a random meeting with a tourist, or a charming conversation with a guy who serves his country. Who said you had to listen to me? You’re very welcome, and happy tindering!