Saying No to Self Sabotage

That thing that keeps happening to you? It’s probably your fault. You don’t want to hear that, and that’s why you’re stuck in a seemingly perpetual cycle of avoid-brood-blame-repeat. The purpose of this article is to tell you about yourself in a matter-of-fact manner with the intention to help you to identify your shortcomings and stop sabotaging your own bliss. 

  • Friendships

Defense or coping mechanisms based on failed friendships may lead to a tendency to nitpick, over analyze (see: Geminis, Virgos and Capricorns), and expect the worst from your friend, or even yourself. Painful endings to friendships, especially long standing ones, can significantly alter the way a person’s self-esteem, ability to trust, and their outlook on love. This behavior continues because of a reluctance to acknowledge and actually face the remaining hurt from the failed friendship. Facing your wounds involves identifying the root of the problem, analyzing why it was so painful to you when it happened, and determining why it still impacts your mentality.

  • Relationships

Self sabotage in relationships shows up in a manner similar to that of friendships, except that it involves more passion, and a deeper kind of intimacy. Defense mechanisms tend to pop up when the relationship is on its way to This-Is-Getting-Serious-Ville. This pushes minor issues to the front of your relationship and one may focus on hypothetical negative outcomes. 

This is one of the most crucial aspects of anyone’s healing process, despite being everyone’s least favorite. Skimming over this step usually leads to a sweet, short lived satisfaction, but will ultimately show up in your relationships and prevent you from earning the healthy, euphoric relationship that you deserve.

You have to show up for yourself - consistently, intentionally, and thoroughly. 

  • Academics

You initially got the Disney+ one week free trial because you wanted to rewatch the High School Musical trilogy. Now, several subscription payments later, you find yourself spending every weeknight binge watching any Disney Channel Original Series that catches your eye and nods to nostalgia. As a result, you end up doing assignments and studying for quizzes a couple hours before they’re due. Your circadian rhythm is out of whack, and your bank account is short of $7. 

Most college students have come to the realization that succeeding at this level is heavily dependent on proper time management and organization, which can be achieved through effectively prioritizing our activities. If you consider the mathematical theory of direct proportions, delegating your academic responsibilities to the smallest block in your schedule will inevitably result in your academics suffering, your GPA sliding, and your scholarship hanging on for dear life.

  • Career

Many students view their college journey as a rat race to see who can secure the most internships and who will receive a well-paying full-time offer before graduation. This über competitive environment can be daunting to anyone, especially if you are a freshman or sophomore who’s still getting accustomed to college. One of the biggest ways that students sabotage themselves is by getting caught up in what others are doing and constantly comparing their progress to that of their peers. This paralyzes any efforts the student makes, resulting in them either shirking in the background because of self doubt (click here to read about eradicating self doubt), or becoming complacent from a false, premature sense of accomplishment. 

    When trying to expand your professional horizons, it is critical to seek out mentorship from upperclassmen or industry professionals who can give you guidance based on their experiences. Approach these relationships with humility and open-mindedness and be willing to make changes to the way you operate for your ultimate success.

Being still, mindful and dedicated to self-improvement helps us to become conscious of the sheer autonomy we have over our reality. At the end of the day, your friends, partner or mentor cannot directly throw out your dirty habits and change your behavior. You have to show up for yourself - consistently, intentionally, and thoroughly.