Hair is such an integral part of femininity and being a woman. To women, hair is the crown that sits on top of a Queen’s head. We grow up nurturing and taking care of our hair. Hair is one of the first things people notice when they meet you; it’s something that society judges you on without knowing you. I love the versatility of hair, especially black people’s hair and the culture surrounding it. While I love my hair and all the styles that I’ve done, I have always struggled with how I view myself and my self-esteem. About a month ago, I took a big step to be more comfortable with myself and chopped off all my hair.
Let me share a short timeline of my hair journey up until this point. At six years old, I decided to start my loc journey. I loved my locs because they made me look like my mother, and she is the one I look up to the most. Unfortunately, when I went to public elementary school, I didn’t look like everyone else, so I decided to cut my hair off and rock a little afro when I was nine years old. When my hair started to grow back, I decided to get my second set of locs, and they grew to my shoulders. In middle school, I was bullied for my hair, even called “doodoo dreads” and other ugly words. I was already tall and awkward, not fitting conventional beauty standards. My self-esteem plummeted; I hated my hair and myself so, I picked my locs out to conform to what other people wanted to see. In my eighth grade year, I buzzed half of my hair off and decided to be myself.
Entering a private high school, I had to now conform to their rules which meant regular hair; my self-esteem dropped because I was one of the only black girls in the school and two, and my height and acne made me an outcast. At this point, I wanted validation from guys to see me as beautiful because to myself, I wasn’t, and I never got any of that validation, so I was in a dark place. Come my tenth-grade year, I buzzed my hair again, and it felt amazing not to follow anyone’s rules and work on my development. I started to be freer with my hair when it grew out; I wore scarves and got undercuts, even straightening my hair. This confidence got me through my senior year.
Going to an HBCU made me more confident in my skin and made me adore my hair. My friends and other people around me commented on my hairstyles and how I did them. Because of that, my self-esteem is at a level that nothing anyone could say about my appearance could phase me. During quarantine, I realized that my hair didn’t define who I was, my character, or even how people saw me. I realized that my hair didn’t make me attractive to people but my personality. My mother always told me that my hair carries energy, good and bad. I genuinely believe that I had been through so much in 2020 that my head started feeling heavy. February, I let go of my hair got to start fresh. I cut my hair and dyed it blond, something I have never done before. At this point, I felt so light. I let go all of the negativity connected to my hair.
Through cutting my hair, I was able to look at myself and see my face in all its beauty, and ultimately connect with a different part of myself. For anyone struggling with self-image, I recommend either cutting hair or trying something with your hair that you haven’t. Hair is hair; it’s meant to grow back, so you lose nothing by cutting it. 2021 is the year of new beginnings; it is the year to focus on yourself and stop worrying about people’s opinions about you. You are gorgeous, you are beautiful, and you everything that you are meant to be. Connect with your true self this year.