Apparently this is an unpopular opinion, but Riverdale is the gift that keeps on giving. It is pure camp in the best way and I genuinely cannot get enough of it. I don’t know where the joke ends or begins, and I love it. I spend way too much time thinking about this show, so here’s my totally biased and incredibly accurate ranking of the main characters, from best to worst.
- Cheryl Blossom
Cheryl never misses. Queen of the River Vixens and of our hearts, this HBIC has perfected the art of witty dialogue. Unlike some of the other characters who have taken allusions way too far (ahem, Veronica Lodge), Cheryl’s pop culture references are always spot-on and achingly funny. Not to mention, Cheryl has witnessed insanely traumatic events and come out on the other side better. Cheryl and TT forevs. When I grow up, I want to be Cheryl Blossom.
- Kevin Keller
Kevin has been criminally underused in recent seasons. Season 1 Kevin carries the show on his back. He lives for the camp and the spectacle, and says what we’re all thinking at all times. He’s a loyal friend, a sneaky good detective, and always a good time.
- Jughead Jones
He’s only this high for his iconic S1 “I’m a weirdo” speech and his transformation into Serpent King. Oh, and also faking his own death.
- Toni Topaz
TT! Toni was such a great addition to this show and should officially be in charge of all musical covers. Her performance at the new White Wyrm while pregnant?! She’s a star.
- Betty Cooper
I love Betty and want to be her best friend. However, her recent seasons have been a little boring. Bring back Dark Betty!
- Archie Andrews
Recently, I remarked that Archie is pretty underrated. Ironic that I’m now putting him second-to-last on this list. To put it simply, Archie is great but bland. He’s like a golden retriever -- adorable, and reliable. It’s just hard to compete with the Cheryl of it all.
- Veronica Lodge
I’m not a Veronica stan by any means. I’m sick of the entire Lodge family, tbh. She was great in Season 1, but has steadily declined since then. She makes everything about her, right down to trying to convince everyone that her father is the perpetrator of every crime. Her businesses and Audrey Hepburn references are getting old, and so help me God if I have to listen to another mediocre cover of a hit song at La Bonne Nuit.
Next up, my official ranking of all the hot dads in Riverdale.