After turning twenty-one six days ago, I sat and thought of all the things that I have gone through in the past six or seven years. There are things that I have had to learn the hard way and the easy way, and because of that I want to share a few of the life lessons that I have learned in the past few years.
Visit your family more often. Make an effort to call your grandparents, or text them saying you miss and love them. Next month will be a year after my great-grandmother’s passing, and my biggest regret when looking back on the time I was able to spend with her is not calling or visiting her enough. In high school, I was so focused on socializing and making friends, when in reality, I should have been focused on the things that mattered. You always have the ability to see your friends but someday you won’t always have the ability to see your grandparents. Cherish every moment that you get with your grandparents, and always be kind to them. They have experienced so much in life so learn from them. Ask them about their life, and what their biggest life lessons are. My great-grandmother was ninety-one when she passed, and I wish that I had asked her more questions about her life, and our family. It’s easy to feel like you will always have another time to call your grandparents and that it’s not important at the moment, but I’m telling you that the days and the times that you want to speak to your grandparent(s) the most and you’re not able to, will hurt in ways you’ve never experienced. Another thing, call or text your parents every day. Ask them how their day is going, or call them to tell them you miss and love them. My parents are my best friends, and my biggest supporters, I love them more than life and absolutely love talking to them. In high school and the beginning years of college, I took their presence for granted. Now that they live in Florida all winter long, I regret not spending more quality time with them. You really don’t know what you have until you no longer have it, so please please please cherish every moment you have with your family, and take every opportunity possible to tell them you love them.
Understand that people will come and go in your life, and that’s okay. I feel like when I was a teenager, I would try to force friendships or relationships that simply just didn’t work. I did so because I couldn’t let go, and I was fearful of what would happen if I didn’t have that person in my life. What I have learned so far, is that the people that treat you well, and the people you enjoy having in your life are the people to keep close to your heart and build strong friendships with. Remind them how much you care for them and call them every now and then because those are the friendships that will last a lifetime. Also understand that it’s totally normal and okay to lose a friendship or relationship you thought you would have forever. Don’t beg or force someone to stay in your life, and don’t hold onto friendships or relationships that cause you distress and/or challenges. Within this aspect of my life, I have learned that everything happens for a reason. Losing a close friendship with someone you truly care for hurts a lot, but it could have been fate as you may gain even stronger friendships later on. I lost a friendship that my life seemed to revolve around, and that friend was really all I felt I knew. I felt lost without that person for a while, but later on realized that it’s okay and completely normal to outgrow a friendship. It’s okay to move on, and grow separately. If a friendship doesn’t work out, it doesn’t work out. Later on, you will see why it wasn’t meant to.
“Will it matter in two days, two weeks, two months, or two years?” This is the question that I have learned to ask myself every time I’m going through difficulties. If I’m going through a small minor annoyance, I will ask myself: “Will this matter in two days?” and the answer is usually that it won’t. If something is a bit more complicated than a “small minor annoyance” I then ask myself: “Will this matter in two weeks?” and because it usually won’t, I try to remind myself that whatever it is is not a big deal. For instance, I currently have covid and although it sucks (so much) I try to remind myself that in a few days I will feel better and it won’t matter anymore. I have the tendency to believe that a difficult situation I’m going through will last a lifetime, and yet usually it doesn’t. If you’re going through a difficult time, it might be best to ask yourself “Will this matter in the future?”. In high school, I would go through heartbreak, get a bad grade on a test, or lose a friendship and think that my life was over; and that I would never overcome those difficulties. At the time, those difficulties were all I could think about, yet four years later, I don’t even think twice about them. On the other hand, there are situations that you will go through that you will remember and hold onto for the rest of your life. Although, the hurtful situation won’t hurt as bad as it does later on in life. Every time I thought that I couldn’t get over a difficult situation or one that really hurt me, I always end up getting over it. Whether I realized it or not, or whether it was a year later, I always overcame my difficulties. Difficulties happen to everyone, and are terrible to go through but you grow so deeply as a person from them later on. Difficulties are a blessing in disguise and a curse in plain sight, so take them seriously when they should be taken seriously, but also remember that you will overcome them at one point or another.
Don’t feel like you have no other choice but to go to that party, or go to that club. Don’t feel like you won’t have any friends if you aren’t a drinker, or if you aren’t a partier. You’re going to have friends regardless of what you do, and it’s best to have friends that fit your lifestyle and hobbies. If you pretend to enjoy drinking/partying when you really don’t, you will make friends that enjoy something you don’t. You’ll inevitably force yourself into drinking all the time, and you won’t find your genuine friend group. Find yourself, accept that person, and find friends that you thoroughly enjoy being around. Freshman year of college, I pretended to enjoy drinking when I really hated it. I felt as though I had to in order to be seen as cool or in order to be liked, yet the reality is that I screwed myself over by doing this. I ultimately made what seemed like the wrong friendships, and began to drink at times I especially didn’t want to. Although, within the past two years, I have realized that if I don’t like drinking then I just simply don’t like it, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I love having a drink here and there, but I don’t feel the need to have one all the time or every weekend. I don’t particularly enjoy drinking because I feel sick, not only when I do but the day after as well. The hangover is not worth it to me at all. I also don’t particularly like partying because I get major anxiety with the volume of the music and the amount of people that go. I also don’t feel safe with lots of strangers, especially drinking with or around them. I would much rather prefer staying in and having a wine night with my friends, or watching a movie with my boyfriend. This life lesson isn’t me trying to make anyone who drinks or parties feel bad, it’s just my personal preference. The reason why I bring it up is because I used to put so much pressure on myself to drink, and I thought that it is what I needed to do in college and as an adult. I didn’t accept the side of me that hated drinking, so therefore, I did something I didn’t like and had bad experiences because of it. Thankfully, after accepting this side of me, I found friends who also don’t particularly enjoy drinking and would much rather stay in. Remember that you’re not out of the norm or “weird” for not wanting to drink or party, you have your reasons and truly don’t owe anyone an explanation as to why you don’t drink. Never let anyone make you feel bad for this, because there are much more important things in life to focus on than parties.
Get involved in school and do whatever you can to see yourself grow. In high school, I was frightened of extracurricular activities, and was embarrassed at just the thought of joining them. I was so focused on what was trendy and what was popular that I didn’t stick to my own personal hobbies and what I find fun. In college, I’ve learned to take the risk, and to do more things that I enjoy and to enjoy them with confidence. For instance, this year I have made the decision to apply for an RA position on campus next year. I am extremely proud of myself for taking the first step, because I would have never applied and interviewed for the position had I not taken the risk. I also have always had a love for film, but had never taken any opportunities to showcase that love. Now after having gotten into fitness, I began a fitness account in which I film and edit workout videos. Even with these articles, I have taken the opportunity to showcase my love for writing, as I am eager to write about things I’m passionate about. I also started my own podcast, and although I only have one episode (lol) I am happy that I took the initial step to create it. A few weeks back, I even joined a pickup basketball game in the gym on campus, which I would have never done in a million years had I not taken the risk. I’ve met lots more people just by taking the risk of starting up a conversation with someone new. I’ve learned over the years that doing what you love to do is nothing to be ashamed of, and doing what you love to do will allow you to make the bestest of friends. Take risks, don’t be afraid to post on social media or to join an extracurricular activity/club, embrace it! You’ll be surprised at how many people love what you post or create, as well as how many people are inspired by you. A lot of people are scared to start a fitness account, or a podcast, or whatever because of their fear of being judged, but the reality is that people are going to judge you no matter what you do, so you might as well do what you love with confidence.