Everyone at Holy Cross has his or her fair share of problems. BUT, us females here at HC have our own special issues that we face. Others can mock and laugh, but sometimes we’re really struggling. In an effort to shed some light on our troubles, I asked four male students on the Hill to suggest their own solutions to the troubles we face. So, without further delay, let us meet our assistants.
Parker Greiwe:
Major: Undecided, Pre-med (*A doctor ladies*)
Relationship Status: Single
Female Role Model: Mila Kunis
Preferred Shampoo: Fructis
Kevin Lux:
Major: Accounting (*Not actually a doctor*)
Relationship Status: Single
Female Role Model: Anne Hathaway
Preferred Shampoo: Dove Nutritive Therapy
Dom Castoro:
Major: Chinese (*A world traveler maybe?*)
Relationship Status: Single
Female Role Model: My Mom (*s’cute*)
Preferred Shampoo: Herbal Essences
John Roque:
Major: Economics (*Future wall street wolf?*)
Relationship Status: Single
Female Role Model: Kelly Clarkson
Preferred Shampoo: Mane and Tail
Now that we’ve met the judges, let’s see what they have to say about some of our female problems on the hill!
- It’s so hard to walk in heels on College Street. P.G: There are probably 15 other pairs of shoes that you could have worn out.K.L: I heard crocs were making a comeback (you heard wrong kev)D.C: Wear sneakers (see response to Parker)J.R: It’s a hill, buy proper footwear (OK MOM!)
- I can’t do my makeup when I’m drunk. P.G: Don’t wear any. (….k)K.L: Do your makeup before you get drunk, or ask a friend. (Trying to be the voice of reason clearly)D.C: Plan ahead (OKKKKKKK!)J.R: Plan ahead (Have you been talking to Dom..?)
- If I’m going to wear a tight dress then I can’t eat all day. P.G: I don’t think it is because of the dress that you don’t eat, it is because you know you are going to be ordering from Domino’s late night (ok maybe true)K.L: Don’t eat (but im hungry….)D.C: Don’t eat (SEE ABOVE)J.R: You’re right (ugh..)
- I don’t have a tampon. P.G: How heavy is the flow? Stick a tissue up there. (no comment)K.L: I don’t have a tampon (Wasn’t expecting you to)D.C: Ew ( Clearly of no help)J.R: Gross (Plz see above)
- What do you do when your bra straps are showing? P.G: Take it off or wear sticky boobs (CORRECT!)K.L: Nothing (That’s just trashy Kev)D.C: Don’t wear one (great work)J.R: Then don’t wear one (Kevin just failed this one)
- I tapped my crush on WiGo, and he never answered. P.G: Shoulder tapping on WiGo is like poking on Facebook… you think it means something when it really doesn’t (MAYBE TO YOU!)K.L: Send him a snapchat, then you know its real (Add me?)D.C: WiGo is lame (says you…)J.R: He’s playing the confusion angle (intriguing..)
- The stalls at Leitrums are too small for me and my 8 friends to go at once. P.G: Start talking to Dave and maybe you will be able to use his bathroom. (stranger danger Parker!)K.L: Don’t go in with 8 friends. (you’re just missing the point of this)D.C: Go one at a time. (Who’s gonna zip my dress Dom?!)J.R: Take turns…really don’t get why girls like doing that. (And who’s going to hold my phone John?)
- I love my new romper, but it’s super hard to go to the bathroom in. P.G: No one said it was easy to look good. (I recall my grandmother telling me this…)K.L: Just go into the bathroom by yourself and you’ll have more room to take it off. (I see your point..)D.C: Cut a hole. (The obvious answer)J.R: WTF is a romper? (Silly silly John)
- How do I wash my lace bralette? P.G: Put it in the wash? (If only it was that easy)K.L: Take it to the dry cleaners. (Do I look like I’m made of money?)D.C: Shower with it on. (Wait………)J.R: Soap? (Just wrong)
- My friend is wearing my dress and she didn’t even ask to borrow it. P.G: If you liked a dress that belonged to one of your friends and didn’t know what to wear, would you have asked? (YES, WHO DO YOU THINK I AM)K.L: Slap her. (Is that very lady like?)D.C: Beat her a**. (um. No.)J.R: Get someone to spill a drink on her, earn a new dress. (I see your thought process here John)
- I’m freezing in my tank top when I walk off campus to go out. P.G: Walk over with a guy and hope one of them is nice enough to give you their jacket. (We’ll be sure to call you next time Parker)K.L: Wear a sweatshirt. (People steal them!!!!!!)D.C: Make sure you wear a bra. (Not helping)J.R: Put on your liquor coat. (blah)
- I’m going out but I really don’t want to shave my legs.
P.G: You could have waxed your legs. (Ow.)K.L: Yoga pants are always an option. (and a great one….)D.C: For the love of God shave your legs. (But mom…..)J.R: Please shave. (UGH!)
And now I wonder, will any man ever realllly understand?