It has been around three months since making my resolution and writing my article, “New Year, New… Men?” At this point I would have expected to have been on about 2-3 out of the 10 dates given I am at about the one quarter mark of the year. Late January and early February I was feeling good about everything. There were 4 guys I was talking to that I was interested in, and had asked me out, and it honestly seemed to be going really well and I was sure I was going to get the 10 dates done quicker then I imagined.
However, things happen, and spoiler alert, I haven’t gone on any dates this year. I quickly realized that this semester’s course load (in addition to figuring out study abroad, summer internships, and trying to add on a minor to my double major) would make having a social life with anyone outside of Holy Cross extremely difficult. Now of course, none of the guys I was talking to were from HC and only one lived in Worcester like me. I also quickly realized that talking to a couple of people at the same time was exhausting, and very time consuming, so if I could not see myself going out with them anytime soon, I told them I was sorry but I do not think it was going to work out. Then I was down to two guys I was very interested in getting to know better.
At this point, I was honestly so done. I was frustrated that no matter how many guys I seemed to match with and genuinely connected with, it never really went anywhere. I also had so much going on with school, that I felt I really did not have the time to try to start a conversation with dozens of different guys when it ultimately led nowhere. So between the lack of time, and overall frustration of it, I just decided to delete my profiles and all of my dating apps off of my phone, though I was still talking to the two guys I felt there was some connection with.
For this we’ll just call them guy 1 and guy 2. Guy 1 was extremely sweet and always kind and seemed like a genuinely nice guy. We talked for about 4-5 weeks over snap, he asked me out and planned a date that never happened. Our schedules never aligned, my only free days were the ones he had work on, and the only days he had off seemed to be my busiest days. After not working for a couple of weeks, we both agreed it just was not going to work and to not try and push it.
Now guy 2 was special. He’s the one I had the strongest connection with, the one I talked with the most, the one I always enjoyed texting. After talking on Hinge for about a week, he asked for my number and we started texting all the time. Conversation was always easy with him, and his texts always made me smile. He lived about 2 hours away so planning a date was tricky, especially considering I do not have a car on campus, but we found a time that worked and we planned an amazing date. The night before I felt awful. I didn’t know if it was what I ate, if I was sick, or if it was just nerves, but I told him how I was feeling and he decided it would be best to postpone incase I really was sick. Instead, we ended up doing a FaceTime date. (Note: I don’t count this towards the “10 dates goal” because I stated back in January that I would only be counting dates where we meet up and do something together.) The FaceTime date was still good because until that point we had only texted and snapped each other (again timing for much else was tricky). Talking with him was great and I felt like our personalities matched so well. I genuinely could have talked to him all night and the reason we didn’t is because he got called away for a fire (yes he is a firefighter, and yes I heard the radio in the background calling his unit). He was reluctant to go but I told him it was fine cause we would talk soon. Things got harder because he went away on vacation then I had vacation and he was studying for a big exam then I was studying for a big exam. Then he became distant and eventually said that because we were both so busy, and not close to each other (not to mention even further when I’m home from school) he didn’t think it was going to work out. I understood what he was saying and I appreciate that he actually told me, but it still hurt a little bit.
At this point it was early March and I deleted all my dating apps and was not talking to anyone. This was the first time in about a year and a half that I did not have the apps on my phone, or was talking to anyone, even casually. I decided to put aside my “10 dates goal” and take this as an opportunity to focus on my insane course load I had this semester, and use my rare free time to do something for myself. I would re-evaluate after Easter break, but until then, guys and dating would not be able to consume any of my time. It honestly freed up so much time, and I found myself much less preoccupied with answering back texts or snaps from people.
I am not exactly sure where I am going to go from here, but I think I need to listen to what I need and how much I can have on my plate at one time, but still not be afraid to say yes and limit my opportunities. It was a complete 180 for me to go from “New Year New Men” to dropping every guy on my roster, but it was needed, and now I plan to fly somewhere in between the two.