An Open Letter to the Creepy Guy at the Gym

What’s up man,

Since you’ve only officially met my ass, I thought I’d introduce myself fully. My name is Mikaela Handler and I am (unfortunately) the girl that goes to the gym at the same time as you. I’ve got a lot of goals to achieve when I step into the gym and seeing your face really isn’t one of them. For some reason my consistent RBF hasn’t deterred you yet, but I guess that’s because you’d have to be looking at my face to see it.

If you think I get some sort of confidence boost when you undress me with your eyes, it’s kind of more like a gag reflex for me. And I promise that I’m capable of moving benches and boxes on my own considering that you’re probably over 6’, 200 lbs and seemingly can’t squat more than 120 (pussy). You throwing your sweaty ego around and letting your eyes rake over my body urges me to throw a kettlebell at your balls, assuming you have any.

I know that I like to wear leggings and tighter shirts to the gym so that my clothes don’t get in the way, but you better believe that I don’t wear LuLu for your satisfaction. I work hard on my body and I can wear whatever the f*ck I want to feel confident in the gym. So don’t ever think that I’m flaunting it for you because you wear shirts with your nipples out and basketball shorts that go past your knees. That sh*t ain’t nothing I’d ever be involved in.

Oh, and I did hear you say ‘hi’ to me the other day, but I had no desire to acknowledge somebody that brushes up against me as if there wasn’t enough space for them to get by. I know with your flat a** only squatting 120, you could get by just fine. Also, to clear up any confusion, just because I’m on the rack in front of you doesn’t mean we’re friends and doesn’t mean that you can touch my weight or spot me without my god d*mn permission. Touching my waist while I’m handling weight is not your best bet bud.

So I hope you enjoyed the embarrassment I put you through as I yelled in your face, shoved you off the platform and made it very clear that you were a piece of sh*t. I’m not exactly sure why you chose me to creep on, but I’m sure glad you did because now every other girl in the gym knows that you’re a creep and hopefully has the confidence to yell at their creep too.

F*ck you,

Mikaela Handler