How Stay Intimate in Your LDR

I live on an island. A rock in the middle of the sea. Yes, I am aware that that is the definition of an island. But when your significant other lives not on an island, but on the mainland US 3,908 miles away, the definition of an island seems to become more daunting. There are no roads that you can take a road trip on to visit them on a whim. I’ve done it for nearly 4 years now, and it sucks. The time difference, the distance, the busy schedules all lead to a lack of intimacy and, dare I say it, doubt. Don’t get me wrong, I am truly, madly, deeply in love. But there was a time when the lack of intimacy had me questioning how long I could keep it up.


I vividly remember sitting in my freshman dorm, talking to my roommate about how I was confused, and felt like my relationship was in a rut. We would Skype, I would tell him about my day, and he would tell me about his, with occasionally a little sauce when my roommate was gone. And then we'd do it all over again the next day; it was difficult to keep our relationship exciting. With that being said, and not a doubt in my mind, here I am to pass on my 4 years of long distance expertise to keep your LDR alive and thriving.


Say I love you

Sometimes, when you’re feeling unsure, all you need to hear is “I love you.” Like the really good, heart felt, out of the blue, makes you melt kind of way. And other times, you need to hear yourself say it to your boyfriend (or girlfriend)—and you need to hear yourself mean it. And I don’t mean an “I love you, too.” I mean the really good, heart felt, out of the blue, makes your significant other melt kind of way. And if you can’t do that, then maybe there are some red flags…

Have a FaceTime Date

Just because you live X miles apart, doesn’t mean you can’t have date nights like any other couple! You just have to get a little creative. A really simple go-to for my boyfriend and I is to both order a pizza and watch a movie in sync. By now, we’ve mastered the “One, two, three, PLAY.” Other ideas include coffee shop dates or playing a game, like 20 questions or (strip) poker. Just get creative! And on that note…

Get Saucy

Just because you’re far away from each other doesn’t mean you don’t get the feels, if you know what I mean. So when the feeling hits, send a sext or even a sexy Snapchat. Need to up the ante? Buy yourself some new lingerie; go ahead and treat yo’ self. You’ll feel sexy AND you can show it off during your FaceTime date. Want more excitement? Buy each other a new sex toy for added LDR intimacy.

Don’t Talk Everyday

I still expect a good morning text every day, but occasionally skip the routine FaceTime call. You know the saying, “Distance makes the heart grow fonder”? Even when your relationship is the epitome of that saying, you may still need some space sometimes, and that’s okay. By not talking every single day, you will be all that more excited to see your significant other. You will really miss him or her, and have more things to talk about when you do FaceTime.

Be Spontaneous

As I’ve mentioned, it’s sometimes easy to get into a routine; so don’t forget to throw in some spontaneity every once in a while! While I can’t take a spur-of-the-moment trip (without a $600+ plane ticket), that doesn’t mean you can’t! Even so, my freshman year of college, when tickets dipped below $600, I bought a plane ticket (in the most spur-of-the-moment way possible) to see my boyfriend. It definitely brought back some of the intimacy and excitement I was looking for. Even better was when he surprised me for my sorority's formal—but that’s another story. Don’t have the $$$ for a trip? It’s okay, me neither. You can still be spontaneous by sending an unexpected handwritten letter or package in the mail. It’ll be sure to brighten his or her day.

While these are only a handful of ideas, hopefully it’ll get you one day closer to the LDR finish line. But at the end of the day, there’s no guarantee that everything will work out. It takes a lot of work and communication on both ends to keep a long distance relationship afloat. And if your relationship (be it long distance or otherwise) starts feeling like a job or obligation, then it’s not a relationship. Good luck!