Cringey Chronicles of a Bo$$ B*tch 

Embarrassment level 4

I planned to go to bed two moments before my friend walked into the study room where I camped out. Needless to say, that plan went out the door. Then, by the time we both decided we should sleep soon, our friend, who came from under a rock, walked in. It was a reunion, and we all caught up!

By the time I was in bed, it was about 2am. By the way, I had to be up super early for a silly function at 5am. Thus, I only slept for a few hours. Below are embarrassing chronicles from that dreadful day (from all my sleep brain could remember).

After that very short function, I was spit out into the eerie, 6am streets of Cambridge. Alongside my friend, I journeyed to each Starbucks in the square collecting lattes. Both walking and continuously taking in caffeine slightly woke me up. I still abruptly lied down in random, public places throughout our journey.

As we sipped our third latte (or maybe it was our second), I couldn’t help but spew words I never knew to be truer: “I really have to poop.” Then, he confessed he was on the same boat. Who wouldn’t be? That’s what coffee does. So, we headed back to our dorm, shat in our separate but equal-in-stink bathrooms, and proceeded to breakfast.

After breakfast and two classes, in which the level of my sleepiness was tailored to the course, I was somehow coming into the science center for my third time that day. As I traversed up the ramp coming in, a couple appeared in my path, and my sleepy brain tried figuring out how to walk around them, not through. By the time they got close, they parted to let me through the middle, but I wasn’t going for it.

I didn’t want to make them split and stop holding hands for a mere few seconds just because of little me. If I had slept more (or cared that much) I probably would not have given this thought some action. Anyways, 3-hours-of-sleep me reverted to basketball me in high school. I side stepped in front of the dude a solid ten times. We could probably have had a conversation in that time.

There were many other abnormally cringey things I did – like totally mishear (a lot of) things, say random things, do Kindergarten math wrong, totally slur my speech with professors, and somehow more – but these are the highlights.