HC Harvard’s very own wise and worldly collegiette advice columnist is here to answer any and all of your pressing questions about life in and out of the Harvard bubble! If you’ve got a question you would like to see answered, Ask Elle here!
Dear Elle,
My ex from last year wants to reconnect. He’s not a bad guy, and I have nothing against him, but I really don’t feel like “just being friends.” How do I let him down easily without sending mixed messages?
HCXO,
Over It
Dear Over It,
If I had a nickel for every question I’ve been asked about awkward exes, I’d have… a few nickels, I guess? What can I say, Ask Elle is still pretty new.
I do have exes, though! I’m close friends with some, I don’t even talk to others, and boy, have I watched my friends deal with some duds. It’s normal to want to reconnect with someone you used to be close to, and it’s also normal to want to cut ties completely.
If you’re sure you don’t want to get back in touch, tell him so. Be polite but firm. “I’m sorry, but I’m in a different place now, and I’m not interested in looking back,” is cliché enough to be classy, bland enough to be interpreted generously, and firm enough to shut him up—assuming he’s a gentleman. If you broke up a long time ago or if the relationship wasn’t serious, you shouldn’t have to justify yourself. But if it’s still raw or if you two were really involved, it would be nice of you to give him an explanation. If you want, just tell him up front that it’s too soon or that you don’t want to open up old wounds. After that, if he’s still at it, don’t feel like you have to give in! All he’s doing by trying to force it is reminding you how much better off you are without someone that pushy in your life. That’s when you can give a blunt “No” or start tuning him out completely. Needless to say, there’s a difference between being stubborn and being overly persistent: if he gets really creepy, you’re completely within your rights to get the authorities involved.
Good luck, and I hope you meet a better one soon ;)
HCXO,
Elle