As young adults, sex and relationships are one of the cornerstones of our lives, particularly the search for what we are looking for in that area; are we pursuing meaningful, lifelong connections or merely short-term pleasure? While some of us have already determined what we are looking for and have experimented enough to know what we want, others remain unsure and choose to save their virginity for the right person. However, in today’s society, the concept of virginity has proven to do more harm than good to everyone, especially young women and girls.
Why? It perpetuates the sexist double standard that girls are no longer ‘pure’ if they don’t have their virginities, but glorifies boys who lose theirs. Virginity is a patriarchal construct created by society and religion that is utilized to demoralize, control, and ‘slut-shame’ women into thinking they are ‘lesser than’ for losing theirs; like they’ve lost something.
Historically, women who retain their virginity have been fetishized and exploited by men who see ‘taking’ a woman’s virginity as some type of trophy. In past generations, sex before marriage was widely scrutinized, with non-heterosexual sex and non-married individuals having sex viewed it as immoral and socially unacceptable. While society has become more sex-positive in recent decades and has made strides toward the destigmatization of cultural norms, social constructs such as virginity have not been erased and are still very harmful. This notion not only harms women who have decided to lose theirs, but it also harms survivors of sexual assault and the LGBTQ+ community. As a heteronormative construct, virginity devalues the experiences of LGBTQ+ and other non-heterosexual groups who don’t fit the norm. As for sexual assault survivors, phrases such as “losing your virginity” can be especially problematic and can lead to feelings of shame and worthlessness.
In reality, no one’s worth is determined by their sexuality, the age at which they lose their virginity, and who they choose to sleep with. Losing your virginity does not make you any less of a person, nor does it define you. Virginity is one of many examples of how patriarchial constructs are harmful to women and those who don’t conform to heteronormative standards and it is time that we dismantle these toxic and sexist ideals.