We often see women on social media tell the world about all the qualities they want in a man. Being in shape, above 6 feet tall, having money, and being good with kids are just a few of the requirements that some women have when trying to find a partner. Little do we see men express how they want to be treated in a romantic relationship.
To help get an inside look at the male perspective, I talked with sophomore and student-athlete, Olakunle Akande about dating advice and what men want in a woman.
What are the top 5 things you look for in a woman?
Akande: I can’t speak for all men but I can speak for myself and the people I know. We’re not looking for materialistic things. Everything materialistic can be taken away or given. We do look for women who have ideas, who are very supportive, who have something going for themselves. They are very passionate about what they are doing or have an idea to be better in life every single day. Relationships are a teamwork effort, you bring effort, I bring effort, 50-50 makes 100. We have to balance each other out. Also, someone with whom I can find comfort in. Life is very hard so having someone you can find comfort in, is definitely needed in a relationship. Someone who is self-motivated, who is passionate, and supportive.
Do you think that some women’s expectations are unrealistic?
Akande: It depends on what they are looking for. The whole 6-foot thing, I feel like you want someone who is tall so you can wear heels and go out with. I don’t think it’s unrealistic. It’s good to know what you want in another person. You’re not going to date someone that’s not your style. Everyone has a different type of style. So I guess looking for somebody who you really want, is a given. I wouldn’t say that it’s unrealistic because guys do expect some type of aspect from women too.
What do you think makes a “Hampton Man”?
Akande: A Hampton Man is someone who is definitely respectful, who values and treats women well. The thing about Hampton is it’s majority women. So you have to know how to treat women correctly. Be there for them and be helpful. I feel like that’s what makes a Hampton Man, you just have to respect women and respect their boundaries.
What are some red flags?
Akande: Disrespect. That’s the biggest one is being disrespectful. I’m sure everyone can tell the difference between a joke and pure disrespect. Like calling someone out their name in an argument. When you get into a relationship you establish the standards you want and talk about things that make you mad and affect you personally. So someone knows what makes you mad and still does it, it’s a sign of disrespect.
What do you expect from your romantic relationships? Do you see things as long-term or just to have fun?
Akande: Life is short so you don’t want to waste your time. Wasting your time is the biggest slap in the face because time is very very valuable. Everything you want to put effort into, you want to make sure it’s long-term. Especially for a relationship! When you get into a relationship, eating out, buying stuff, all of the cute stuff, that’s investing in somebody. Then just to have it slap back in your face is like “Wow, I just did all of that for nothing.” It might take a while to find the right person but it’s definitely going to be worth it. Take your time and make sure your energy is going to the right place.
Would you date someone who was looking just to have fun?
Akande: When you think about getting in a relationship you talk to them first. You see what their mind is or see where they’re trying to be in life. You’re trying to get someone better. There’s nothing wrong with having fun. Everyone wants to have fun, we’re young. I’m 19, I want to have fun too. I wouldn’t say fun is the main part but it could be an aspect. If that’s all they want in a relationship then maybe that’s for somebody else but for me it’s different. There’s nothing wrong with having fun but that’s not the main priority.
You’re an athlete on the track team. Why do you think athletes get a bad reputation when it comes to dating?
A: Because we are busy 24/7. For example on a regular day on campus, we have to be up at 6 a.m. to practice, then we have classes, after we have practice again. Mind you we have to sleep, we have to eat, we have to do something. We’re dealing with so many things. I know for a girl, you like someone being there for you, but we’re not there for that action. Where there’s a will there’s a way. So there’s always a way to make up and try to be better. People have to understand that it’s a lot, it’s a commitment, it’s a job. I guess that’s the bad reputation we get. We can’t control what we signed up for.
How has your parent’s relationship helped progress yours?
Akande: It’s helped. Relationships are definitely something that takes time. Love is a continuous thing that works as long as people are working towards it. Having an argument does not end a relationship, you can always bounce back and work towards a solution. If there’s a will then there is always going to be a way. As long as the two people are continuing to support each other it’s definitely going to work. And I’ve seen that through the years.
What have you learned in your past relationships, that you want to do differently now?
Akande: Being patient, taking it one step at a time. In the past, I tried to do everything all at once and be quick with everything instead of taking my time and actually understanding the person better. Everyone reacts a certain way because of past situations and lessons they’ve learned. So taking the time to just understand someone fully instead of making my own assumptions. Be more communicative with them. Everything is communication now, so being able to understand them to make sure they are comfortable. That’s definitely a learning curve for my current relationship.
Takeaways
After talking with Olakunle, I found that the key takeaway when trying to find love is to be patient. There is someone for everyone. Men are looking for someone to be a positive addition to their lives. Some common traits that men are looking for are being trustworthy, supportive, passionate, and self-motivated. The best way to find your true match is to be yourself.
To find out more about Olakunle follow him on Instagram at @olak.akande.