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Trust in College Relationships

After watching shows and movies of people finding their soulmate in college like A Different World, The Best Man Holiday, Drumline, Stomp the Yard, etc; you would think once you got to college the love of your life would just fall right into your lap. But that is far from reality. College is full of both women and men constantly saying they “do not want to settle down”, “feel pressured”, or “just want to hook up, nothing more and nothing less.” Guys do not normally ask girls on dates anymore and would rather just “chill” at the house. It is very rare to find someone, especially a man in college, that is ready to be in a monogamous relationship with you instead of having hoes. When this relationship happens for college students, trust plays a huge role in whether the relationship succeeds or fails.

With all the beautiful black queens that walk around campus, it can be hard for a female to believe her man has completely changed his ways. There is so much temptation whether it is going to a party and seeing half-naked girls walking around, or just simply females with no respect throwing themselves at guys. And you can’t forget the guy who is just being a “typical” guy.  As females we see this on a regular. We watch our female friends endure the pain and we watch our male friends cause the pain. It is probably even harder for him to avoid temptation and keep it all in his pants. Having problems for no reason, social media, invading privacy, lack of communication, and the past play a huge role in trust issues. With all of these issues running through your mind plus some insecurities, how can we keep our relationship afloat and not let these internal issues ruin our relationships?

First things first, if he gives you no reason not to trust, why not trust him? Do not cause problems where there is not a problem. Do not let your insecurities lead you into a false reality. Just because he speaks to this girl or that girl does not mean that he is messing with her on the side. If he doesn't text you all day or text you back right away, it doesn’t mean he is up to no good. He could just be asleep or busy -- how you should want your man to be.

Second, do not go looking for things based off suspicions that are not backed up by reasoning. So, do not go out here looking through his phone constantly, going on his social media looking at whose pictures he is liking or who is liking his. Social media is such a little factor in relationships that college always makes a bigger deal than what it needs to be. If you go searching for something you are more than likely to find something you do not want to see. Privacy and respect are two different things, let the man have some space everything will be okay.

Third, communication is key. Communicate with your partner because communication can build trust. Keeping issues in can lead you to overthink and it can build unnecessary problems that can be avoided. Not only should you feel comfortable talking to your partner about day to day things but your feelings as well. He should be able to respect how you feel and change whatever it is in order to continue to have your trust. College brings on a lot of different issues and aspects and the only way to move past them is to have continuous communication. Everytime feelings are brought into a conversation an argument does not have to be had.

Last, but not least, do not let the past dictate the future. If your man was a thot before y’all were together do not hold that over his head now. You gave him the benefit of the doubt and decided to trust him with your heart and feelings, so do just that and trust him. Do not keep bringing up things from the past about him messing with this girl and that girl. It is irrelevant from what you two have going on now. That girl from the past no longer matters unless he gives you a reason to bring her up again. So, trust your man and know he is all about you now.

College relationships are already hard because of the different factors, like the boy to girl ratio, social media, insecurities, and hoes. Do not add trust issues to the list. Let trust be the basis of your relationship. Trust builds a strong, long lasting relationship. Although trust does develop over time, try to make sure that trust has been developed before there is a title. If not, issues will only get worse. There is nothing wrong with staying single until you build that trust. Trust is key to successful relationships even outside of college relationships.

Mia is funny, creative, and caring. She is a Junior Marketing Major at Hampton University from Charlotte, North Carolina. One of her favorite things to do is eat, eat, eat. Little girl big girl appetite. She also enjoys watching all the ratchet and drama filled "reality" shows. Mia enjoys being surrounded by friends and family. She is a great listener and advice giver. She lives by the motto what is for you will be for you, and that God always has a plan for you no matter how down and out you may be, so trust in him and the purpose he has laid out for you. "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
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