As cuffing season is rapidly approaching, so does this overwhelming feeling of wanting to spend it cuddled up with someone. Now I know more than a few of us can relate to being stuck in the toxic stage that is commonly known as the “talking stage” and for that very reason, I am here to debunk why this stage is so incredibly played out. When exploring whom we hope to get into a serious relationship with, we are often faced with a prolonged phase before being cuffed, better known as the talking stage. This stage is usually where two people get to know each other on a deeper level, and are often exclusively talking to one another, however they are not dating yet. Unfortunately for many, the talking stage is basically dating, but… not really, hence why it’s so toxic and very much played out. Let’s get more into why we are all too grown to be stuck in the midst of a “talking stage.”
As exciting as it sounds to be in a relationship, it’s incredibly important to make sure the proper boundaries are set. The saying “protect your heart’ hits home, especially when considering involving yourself in the talking stage. The recurrent question that is so often brought up when faced with this stage, is am I wasting my time? More often than not, it becomes more serious for one person, while the other person either doesn’t want to commit or is not ready. In my opinion, a talking stage should never be translated into months worth of just “talking”, without clear communication and mutual agreement as to where the relationship is going. Without this clear communication, one can feel like they are wasting their time holding onto potential. Which leads me to my next point, which is the heartbreaking reality of falling for someone’s potential.
Falling for someone’s potential is a recipe for heartbreak, because you begin to find yourself envisioning what could be, rather than what is. A lot of times the talking stage is filled with false promises that are not mutually met. It’s almost as if the talking stage unintentionally sets expectations for a relationship on to each person involved, without the commitment aspect. Meaning most things that two people do in the talking stage are the same as what they would do in a relationship, except they are technically not dating. It is literally so backwards, in my opinion.
We begin to convince ourselves to limit our feelings and not get too attached, because we don’t want to fall too deep into something that isn’t even fully official yet. In my opinion, there should be no such thing as a “talking stage”. Getting to know someone is incredibly versatile and shouldn’t be limited to a certain time span. I am a firm believer in the saying “if he wanted to he would”; if he wanted to be in a relationship with you he would make it clear! It’s as simple as that, no waiting around, no talking for months. If one is interested in pursuing someone in a romantic way and wishes to get to know them deeper, of course it’s normal to want to talk to them more. However, months worth of the “talking stage”, with no concrete label, is toxic and childish.
As college students, we are too grown to be accepting below the bare minimum. So with all that being said, I hope that this cuffing season brings you healthy love in all forms. Never settle or find comfort in the uncertainty of someone’s feelings for you. You deserve more than a talking stage, that phase is so highschool!