How often do you hear guys discussing sexual assault? This controversial topic is typically associated with women, as women are the most common victims of the matter. In fact, 91 percent of victims of rape and sexual assault are female, and nine percent are male, according to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center. But it’s time to shake the table. In fact, it’s time to make room at the table for more men to join the discussion.
Recently, HerCampus sat down with a few Hampton men to hear their perspectives on sexual assault. Here’s what they had to say.
1. What’s your definition of “consent?”
“The only thing really considered consent is somebody saying ‘yes,’ and that’s what makes it so tricky because 9 times out of 10, it doesn’t happen like that. Just because somebody performs oral sex doesn’t mean they’re giving you consent. If you’re already having sex and someone says to stop, then you have to stop. Unless you explicitly ask [for consent], then you’re taking a risk really.”
“My definition of consent is having the approval to do something to or for someone else. ‘No’ means no, and if a partner does not give you the permission to do a certain action, then consent is not met. No matter the time, place, or even person of history, allowance has to be solidified at each and every second.”
“’No’ means no. If she isn’t verbally telling you, pay attention to body language. If she’s guarding or seems uncomfortable, stop, because anything further [could be considered] rape.”
2. Could you see yourself continuing a friendship with a long-term friend who you know has sexually assaulted someone in any manner?
“I’d like to say no, but I feel like it would be a case-by-case basis. Our relationship definitely wouldn’t remain the same but I’m not sure if it would completely end. Sexual assault covers a lot of stuff, and depending on the specific instance, I would have to decide; but I definitely couldn’t be friends with someone who continues the behavior.”
“I could not be friends with anyone who sexually assaults someone. You are the company you keep, and I can’t be associated with anyone who does so.”
“It depends on the relationship. I would confront the friend and let them know that what they did was wrong, and to never do it again.”
3. What are some ways men can hold each other accountable for their actions regarding sexual assault?
“Men need to start just having an honest conversation about what it actually is, because I feel like a lot of men believe they know what exactly is considered sexual assault and they are wrong. Once the conversation starts to happen more, then I believe it will be easier to hold each other accountable.”
“I feel like when it comes to friends, men know who in their friend group can get out of hand at times. Instead of just laughing off uncomfortable situations, it’s better to grab them and tell them what they’re doing and how they could change their actions. Before my friends go anywhere with someone they are interested in, me and my friends always say ‘Don’t force anything’ or ‘If it’s not there, it’s not there.’”
“I would bring awareness to the person. I would pull him to the side man-to-man and let him know what he’s doing or what he’s done is wrong. Even if he’s in denial, I’ll try to make him realize that what he’s doing is whack.”
4. Do you believe male victims of sexual assault are taken as seriously as female victims? Does a double standard exist? Why or why not?
“I believe there is definitely a double standard and men who are sexually assaulted definitely receive different treatment. It’s almost like they’re taken as a joke. I’ve heard women at Hampton joke about getting guys drunk so they can have sex, and if a man was to ever say that, there would be a riot. It’s like men aren’t allowed to say ‘no’ to sex because of the stereotype that if you don’t want to have sex with a woman, you’re gay.”
“Male victims aren’t taken as seriously as female victims, and the double standard exists I believe due to the masculine issues that men have. Men joke a lot about sexual actions. For instance, rapper Da Baby on his song ‘Blank Blank’ said ‘I don’t gotta rape [women], they rape me.’ It’s kind of like men brag about it. So, it’s hard to take it seriously when the collective has the tendency to fail at it.”
“I feel like both are taken seriously, but the punishment on a man would be harsher than that of a female. Society looks at men as the stronger species. [They would ask] why the man couldn’t defend himself or stop the situation [if he was sexually assaulted]. However, if the male victim was a child, I think the woman would be punished just as hard.”
5. Why do you think sexual assault is such a prevalent, worsening issue today?
“I don’t believe the issue is any worse than it’s ever been, I just believe that people are becoming more comfortable and more willing to speak out. There are a lot more resources and support groups for victims of sexual assault so that when they come out to tell their story, they don’t feel alone.”
“I feel it has always been a prevalent issue, but the longer humans spend time on this Earth, the more tired of the same old thing we get. Women in particular have always been sexually assaulted, and I don’t believe men are doing it more because of time. I feel that women are being heard more because the problem is now so relevant that it can’t be ignored.”
“I think sexual assault has always been prevalent but more attention has been put on it due to social media. People also have more resources today to report or express the assault.”