Sex is what we make it. It can beautiful, raunchy, rough, or passionate. However, sex can be taboo for some people to have a conversation about even in 2019. Collectively, we talk about STD/STIs and pregnancy and all the safety precautions that are necessary for safe sex. But we leave out so many other factors such as doing it the correct way or how to communicate with sexual partners. Many layers come with this topic, but I want to open the lid for us to discuss feeling comfortable during physical intimacy. A woman’s sexual health is emotionally and physically just as important as the man. There are many stories about how sexually active people, mostly women, feel uncomfortable sometimes during sex. The conversation is given rise in how sometimes sex can feel good to men but not women.
Years ago sex was used to only please the man and it still resides today. Cisgendered men only feel the sensation of the inside of a vagina, therefore, it is a pleasure to them; but women are never asked if their needs are being met. Now and days, it seems like most men have sex for their enjoyment but not for their partners. Women’s needs need to be considered when it comes to sex. If there are books and videos about how we should give excellent oral sex and what makes the man feel good, then there should be a conversation about what men can do better to improve the sexual needs of the women. Sex should not feel like one is being used for masturbation.
Missionary and doggy styles are seen to be painful sometimes depending on how the man positions his penis in the vagina. In most sexual activities “pounding” can be extremely painful when the penis is constantly hitting the cervix of a woman. In other cases, a woman’s sexual experience can be painful when there is a lack of lubricant in the vaginal. Foreplay is key to getting the mood started. The right amount of time you spend on foreplay, the more vaginal lubrication and the more relaxed it will be. “Why don’t you say anything?” Sometimes sex can be self-conscious; nobody wants to be bad at sex. We want to please our partners the best way we know-how. When ladies speak up about their discomfort, men assume that they are not experienced or do not get wet; it might have dryness from the condoms, lack of foreplay, uncomfortable position, etc. Men expect women to tolerate the roughness of sex when in reality it is not being done right. Learning more about the female anatomy can increase sexual pleasure. Knowing what triggers sexual sensation for women such as, where to touch and rub, and what positions are vagina friendly. Listen to your partner and know what they want; not everyone is the same. We all have different preferences it just takes communication and patience to know what those preferences are.
As much as we talk about safe sex, which is important, we leave out that sometimes condoms can cause bad sex depending on the brand and material. For a lot of women, latex condoms irritate due to an allergic reaction. Most people can admit that condom sex is not always the best sex. Some condoms and even name brands such as Trojan and magnums can dry out the vagina causing rough and irritating friction during sex; it is similar to having sex with a garbage bag. Getting the right condoms that are latex-free (organic and Skyn condoms) for those who are allergic to latex, consider what chemicals the condom contains for the health of the vagina. Sex should pleasure both partners; not just one. From the philosophy of Megan Thee Stallion, remember that this is not about his d**k, give him the simple instructions on how he should treat your (clit)oris.
Acknowledgments: Special thanks to Kira Carneigie