What is love? Well according to Google love is, “an intense feeling of deep affection”. Now I’m sure that we can all agree that Google only knows half of the story when it comes to love. If you’re looking for a simple and generalized understanding then that’s the perfect definition. However, I would say that love is a little more complicated than just an intense feeling. The complication of love is a different conversation for another day. What I want to put emphasis on is the old school love vs. new school love debate. Now before you pick a side, let’s get a better understanding of each era and what they have to offer.
The Old
The longevity and pureness of old school love is unlike any other. This kind of love is passionate, simple, kind, and was deeply embedded with the kind of love our ancestors fought for. With this love you didn’t have the luxury of sending a quick text to someone that you have feelings for. Instead you had to send handwritten letters that professed how you felt about someone. These letters were worth more than any diamond ring you could buy. In comparison to new school love, old school love also has a timeline for dating. Back before the 20th century and before dating was the trend, most couples were in an arranged agreement made by their parents. It wasn’t until after the 20th century when dating for love and marriage became the social norm.
This introduced the tradition of courting which can often be confused with dating. Courting is the more intense and purposeful side of dating. When you begin courting someone your whole objective and end goal is to eventually marry this person. Whereas in dating you are less strict and have more freedom to explore someone you may have interest in without the idea of getting married. Old school love was rooted with a deep understanding that the commitment of loving each other would be everlasting. There wasn’t a “talking stage” or a “I want you but I don’t want to be tied down” stage. Both people had a clear understanding of what they wanted. Whether that’s dating until they were ready to take that next step or agreeing to begin building a life together with their love as the foundation. Now don’t get me wrong, you still have those who began to take advantage of just how many fish they could capture with their bait. However at the end of the day, the amount of those who chose love for all the right reasons outweighed those who chose love for fun.
With that being said let’s get into the unpleasant perspective of old school love. You see back then women were extremely dependent on men. Due to this being the era that women were only seen as being housewives they didn’t have any form of independency. This means that if for whatever reason a woman wanted to leave her partner it would be very hard to do so. To avoid those difficulties women developed a sense of toxic loyalty to their partner, and took the words “for better or for worse” quite literally. Not only did this mean that the women were being constantly dominated by men, but it also meant that women were given little to no entitlement over their lives.
The New
Now new school love is heavily dependent on social media and technology. Instead of having to do the work of going out and meeting someone the old fashion way, all you have to do is tap a bunch of buttons and boom here they are on your screen. Social media has tarnished the true essence of what love is and how to find it. This era has made the matchmaking process a lot more convenient, maybe a little too convenient. Instead of courting, this era has invented a less formal dating timeline. Instead of committing to one person, you are given the opportunity to date as many people as you’d like. This style of dating can be referred to as the process of elimination. We have also reinvented the word dating and have replaced it with the term “talking”. Now I know what you may think, and no it’s not like talking when it comes to having a conversation with someone. This kind of talking is when you’re interested in a certain person and you both are expressing interest in each other. This is the stage before dating and in this day and age most ideal relationships are trapped in this stage. This is also where a lot of the confusion happens. If you’re in the talking stage it’s common knowledge that you very well might not be the only person that is on that person’s radar. However, you still have those passionate lovers who despise this stage and want to have some kind of claim on the person they’re showing interest to.
Due to the fact that most interactions rarely leave this stage, this gives into the social norms of short term connections or relationships. New school love is just too complicated if you ask me. However, I will say that with this generation, women have more of a voice and more freedom when it comes to their love life or their life in general. Once those red flags begin to show who a person really is we’re able to pack up and abandon ship. Women are beginning to understand that if they continue to accept the bare minimum from men, then men will continue down that path instead of stepping up. Stop settling for “Netflix and Chill” because you’re only going to end up with hurt feelings and a broken heart. Most women settle for knights when in all actuality they should search for a king instead.
I say all of this to say, let’s be real with one another. The secret to deciding on which era of love is better is to realize that neither is better than the other. If you really want to play the game of love the right way, use both new school and old school love to your advantage. Use the tactics of old school love with the presence and opportunities of new school love. Find the happy medium from both eras and then you’ll be able to have the key to not just finding true love but to keeping it. Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!