Do you remember how you felt when you turned twenty? Well, I do (granted, it wasn’t that long ago). The anticipation of my twentieth birthday was adorned by feelings of autonomy and awakening-lol. I remember thinking, “I will never be a teenager again,” and feeling accomplished. It was truly a moment of transition. However, now a mere two years later, near the eve of my 22nd birthday, I find myself in a mid-midlife crisis.
When I first heard “20 Something” by Sza, I was immediately annoyed. The nerve of her to accurately depict all of the confusion and worries I had been experiencing at this stage of my life. Even still, I found comfort in the fact that her words let me know I wasn’t alone and that most people in their 20-somethings has no idea what’s going on. We are all walking this very thin line of adulthood and what’s left our youth, feeling pressured to know everything, while still figuring things out. Some of us are faring better than others, and though we are all traveling at different speeds, it is hard not to compare someone else’s journey to your own.
There are so many lessons and life changes that come with growing older; however, there are also many blessings. So, in effort to pull myself out of my mid-midlife crisis, I will try and communicate to all of you what this new year of life means to me and the things I have learned along the way.
Twenty-what?
To eliminate all confusion, let me say that I love my birthday, I love the month of December, and I love everything about being a Sagittarius- lol. I love all birthdays! It is feeling old that I do not like. I know most of you are thinking that my crisis is just a little premature and I agree! I didn’t expect to feel like this until at least twenty-five, yet here I am!
As someone with a late birthday, I have always been a few months older than my friends and some of my peers, which is where my abhorrence for feeling old stems from, hence my lack of excitement and surplus of apprehension. I also feel apprehensive about this birthday because no one ever talks about twenty-two. At this point, I have surpassed the highly anticipated ages and am now left with the mysterious age of twenty-two. I have no idea what to expect.
I also feel as though I am unsure of this birthday because once again, college and life have shown me that time is both constant and continuous and waits for no one. I have barely had time to build excitement for my birthday because I do not have the time. If I cannot make time for myself, how could I expect anyone else to do the same?
But as I mentioned earlier, I am trying to shed my worries and apprehensions of this new journey and instead embrace the many opportunities to come. If any of you have felt or are feeling this way, it is my hope that this article helps you to release some of that anxiety and worry too, while also coming to some realizations of your own.
Along the Way
There are many lessons I have learned on this journey to twenty-two, but there are even more that I hope to grow into. To summarize them all, here are just a few:
T– treat people the way you wish to be treated. This philosophy has been apart of me for as long as I can remember and is 1 of 3 adages that I live by. It aligns my moral compass, should I ever be uncertain of how to handle certain situations, and it keeps me grounded. It is the reason that I could never do something to or expect something from someone that I would not want done to myself. This is a valuable life lesson for anyone to learn because it teaches us empathy and compassion.
W– wishing without working produces nothing. As a little girl, I can remember thinking that 11:11 could make all of my worries go away and my aspirations come true. Or, that I could just pray to God about them and they would be resolved. But somewhere along the way, I realized that without action, these are just words. Specifically, in terms of my relationship with God, I asked myself “Why would he grant me the things I’m asking for if I’m not even showing him any effort?” If He granted me these things, how would He know I have the ability to follow through? Outside of religion though, I think it is important for us all to understand that we cannot just wish for things and expect them to happen, we have to put forth the effort too.
E– Everything happens for a reason. This lesson is number 2 out of the 3 adages I mentioned earlier. I learned to accept this lesson at the age of seventeen when my grandmother passed. More often than not, we get caught up in finding the answer to why things happen to us, refusing to accept that some things are just out of our control. So many times in my life, I have wondered, “why?” The reality of the situation is that the answer to “why” will not always be revealed to us and that the more time we spend searching for something that may never reveal itself, the more we prolong our journey to healing. It has also been my experience that once you stop searching for something, it appears.
N– Not to hold onto anger. While confronting, embracing, and releasing all of our emotions are a good sign of emotional health, holding onto ones like anger is not. Although things may irritate me, I am not quick to anger. My life experiences have taught me that holding onto feelings of frustration and upset do nothing but drain me. It takes way too much energy to stay mad about a situation, so even if I do get angry, I cannot and do not stay mad for long. I let myself have my moment, but I do not dwell in it.
T– things happen in due time. This lesson is the last of the three adages I reference quite often and helps to govern my patience. Similar to how we often have a habit of asking “why,” we also have a tendency to ask “when.” Patience is a wonderful quality to have and I admire those who possess it innately; however, mine is definitely learned. Even now, it is still something I work on. Someone with patience understands that his or her journey cannot be rushed and accepts that things will happen as they should, when they should, without being deterred by setbacks. Insteade, they remain persistent.
Y– You cannot please everyone. My last article was about saying no more in effort to better protect myself and my mental health, but this point is a little different. What I mean here is that not everyone will like you and that is perfectly fine. You could be the funniest person in the world, but there will always be at least one person who thinks otherwise. With 7 billion people in the world, the number of personality combinations are endless. Do you really think that yours is for everyone? As long as you are secure within yourself and know that you give people a fair chance, no one’s opinion of you can derail the one you have of yourself.
T– To whatever comes next, I hope that throughout this next part of my life I learn how to be even more confident in myself. Since once being a shy little girl, I’ve come a long way, but still have more room for growth. Thinking about how many opportunities I’ve missed out on because I second-guessed myself not only makes me want do better for me, but for others who may be questioning themselves as well.
W– When I think about my future self, I hope that she is more informed of her purpose. While I have an idea now of what it is, I am still working on how to incorporate it with my current interests and hobbies. I am confident that regardless of whatever career path I may choose, I will still be able to walk in my purpose.
O– One last thing I hope to grow into, is to be more accepting of change. For me, the anticipation of change is enough to make me anxious, whether it is good or bad. I think it is the adjustment phase of change that causes me the most stress because I don’t know how long that process will take. Some changes are easier to get through than most, others take time, and I am someone who sometimes wants things to be instant- lol. I hope that being more accepting of the adjustment phase of change will help me to be less wary of it.
Although I have had mixed feelings about this birthday, I am so thankful to see it. Life is full of many uncertainties; however, that doesn’t mean we should spend so much time worrying about them. Instead, I am prepared to embrace them and have high hope for what this new year may bring.