Growing up I never had perms, but my mom spent endless nights flat ironing my hair. By the time I was old enough to be offered a relaxer, I already received so many compliments about my long healthy hair that I saw no reason for one. Plus I was a tender headed child, so burning my scalp with chemicals was never something that appealed to me.
When I got a little bit older I saw that my frizzy semi straightened hair was not pin straight like everyone around me. I went from my mom’s blow outs to having her flat iron my hair every day . Eventually I ditched her completely for salons that left my hair bone straight. However, with natural hair keeping your hair straightened is an everyday chore. The more heat I added to it the more damaged my hair became. In college I switched salons and sometimes experimented on my hair myself, which only made the situation worse. Then wanting to change up my look, I took the plunge and colored my hair with chemicals and bleach.
This was the straw that both broke the camel’s back and split my ends. While my hair was still long, it had become embarrassingly thin. Remembering my thick frizzy ponytails that I was complimented about as a child, I felt like I was in a horror movie.
This gave me the wake up call to drop my flat iron and pick up a life time supply of coconut oil. After several YouTube tutorials, I cut off my thin heat damaged ends and grew almost a whole new head of curly coily hair. From this day forward I was a new woman.
What Have I Done?
When I came home for thanksgiving break, I was expecting to be showered in compliments. I never had such a dramatic physical look before, and I was proud of my natural curls. However I was disheartened when one of the first things my friend asked me was “why’d you cut your hair?” It was an innocent slip of the tongue from someone who wasn’t aware that natural hair shrinks when it curls up. Still it got me thinking, why did I do this?
I could feel everyone judging me. People that used to avidly like my Instagram pictures slowly disappeared. My mom constantly tugged on it (without my consent) to make it look longer or more tame. Eventually I had to face the music; I just didn’t have long loose flowy curls that are generally accepted by society.
However that didn’t matter as long as I accepted myself. I had beautiful well defined ringlets that while not long are very healthy. I refuse to damage my hair in order to meet someone else’s beauty standards. What’s really beautiful is intelligence, ambition, a sense of humor, and kindness. None of those qualities correlate with my appearance. At the end of the day folks, it’s just hair. The only person I need to please is myself.
Effect on my relationship
My boyfriend always warned me not to cut my hair, but it was too late. Though I had no option other than sticking with my decision, I was still shaking in my boots. The last time he saw me I had 18 inches of long feminine bone straight weave. What if he wasn’t attracted to me anymore? Still it wasn’t his head to have an opinion about; it was mine. Someone should love you for who you are and not what you look like. I just hoped he saw it the same way.
When he first saw my hair his jaw dropped to the floor. “I like this better than when you wore it straight” he said. To this day he can’t stop putting his fingers through it or commenting about how soft it is. Every time I even think about straightening it he begs me not to.
Joining the Natural Community
Amidst the criticisms I also started to receive many compliments about my hair. As my curls started to flourish, people would ask me about the products I used. Do I prefer wash and gos or a twist out? The other girls with natural hair would share tips and encourage each other to keep up with the natural journey. It was like a sisterhood. We all were all experimenting with our hair and learning to appreciate our blackness at the same time. We all know the struggle of shrinkage and many magical uses of coconut oil. The comradery extends past just this campus. There are you tubers, bloggers, social media moguls, and enthusiasts who have helped to create an entire natural hair community. Although we lack representation in mainstream media, having a community means that we always have each other.
What I’ve learned since being natural
Since wearing my hair in its natural state my hair is the healthiest it has ever been. I’ve watched it grow tremendously since I chopped it off a few months ago. It’s also very thick, which is why I went natural in the first place. My hair really blossomed into something spectacular.
Natural hair is also surprisingly easier for me to manage than straight hair. I thoroughly enjoy learning how to care for my hair myself rather than spending hours in a salon. I’ve also learned how versatile natural hair is. I can wear it in a fro, a puff, a bun, with or without bangs, in protective styles like braids and twists, and so much more.
Just like my hair, being natural has helped me grow as a person as well. Wearing my hair the way it naturally grows out of my scalp is empowering. I now have the confidence to redefine my own beauty standards. After all, there is nothing more liberating than the freedom to be yourself.