Two words: hook-up culture. It’s something most college kids are aware of when they head off in the autumn. Personally -and I believe this may be true to many other girls- the fall of freshman year was the first time I felt free to pursue whomever I wanted without feeling as though there were complicated situations keeping me from them. Clean slate and all.
But a few weeks in, I realized that just because you come into college with few inhibitions and absolutely no reputation does not mean that it stays that way. Soon I’d hear my friends and my neighbors discussing what different girls were doing each day, and more importantly, WHOM they were doing. That’s when I heard the term applied for the first time to someone I knew: slut. I mean, yeah, I’ve heard it before, but this was college! And yeah, I’ve heard it be used as just a general insult like jerk, bitch, and asshole. But my shock came from the fact that I realized people were beginning to gain reputations. Then I started to think, what was my reputation? Were people I knew discussing what I was doing in the bedroom? At parties? Was I being called a slut and not even realizing it?
I wish my dissection of this word were a result of my desire to stand up for the small stream of girls I heard being called this by the guys (and even fellow females) that crossed my path everyday. Unfortunately, my reasons were selfish. I wanted to know whether I would in some crazy world be classified as a slut. Because believe you me, I would never have even thought that I could be called this degrading term. That was before I really started thinking about this and asking my friends about it.
I started my search where any self-respecting young person of the 21st century begins his search-the Internet -Urban Dictionary, to be precise. This sentence basically sums up all 364 posts on “slut”: “A female who engages in sexual activity with a large number of persons.” Okay, great. I’m glad that cleared up absolutely nothing at all. What defines sexual activity? And what exactly is a large number? Is my number a large number? Why do I even have a number?
That’s when I made my list. ‘Cause apparently this list on which the name of my sexual partners number is integral to the understanding of what a slut is (Thank you, Yahoo Answers, for the suggestion…). I swore I’d never make that terribly cliché, belongs-in-every-single-one-of-Julia-Roberts’-movies-that-has-ever-been-created list. So basically you are welcome world, that list exists and is lying around somewhere to be used as blackmail for my future. But I made it, it exists, and it shocked me. Whether the number was surprisingly low or incredibly high, I’ll leave that for you to decide; but it the end it made me wonder, what does this number make me?
So then I started asking some of my guy friends what they thought about sluts. IT GOT COMPLICATED. For some guys, they wouldn’t even consider getting with a girl if she was with more than 3 guys, others as high as 15. Then they began messing with it even more. What was the definition of “with”? If a girl was still a virgin but gave head to every guy she’s ever kissed: Slut. If she’s never given head or had sex but has gotten hands-y enough times: Slut. Had sex twice but had more than 6 boyfriends: Slut. Make out sessions every weekend but a virgin: Slut.
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Girls I asked were even more varied. Opening you legs before marriage once was enough to be called a slut according to an acquaintance of mine. Yet, others girls were much more lenient, claiming no matter the number a female could never be considered a slut if there is no such parallel term for the make counterparts (Thank you, feminist movement!).
Eff all you people, make up your minds! You can’t all be right! I’m positive that that many variations of the word slut cannot exist. There has to be some base level for this!
So that’s when I started looking in on myself. Again. Damn, I’m self centered and paranoid. Anyway, I was quick to see that according to some of my peers, I could be considered a slut!
Um… what?
No way.
I’ve held fast to my morals my entire life! I COULD NOT be a slut.
That’s when it hit me. I just simply asked my friends, “Would you consider me a slut, or, ahem, loose?” Unanimously, it was determined I wasn’t. But how could this be? How could I be both a slut and not a slut?
I’ve come to the conclusion that in order for that word to apply in an observatory manner and less of just a general insult one thing has to happen- that girl has put in her head that she is a slut. Blunt, I know, but I think its true. For example, I believe each sexual experience I ever had with a guy was a whole experience of its own. Whether it was a hook up after a party in everyone’s favorite ex-Dining Hall, or a result of weeks upon weeks of sexual tension, I chose to get with the guys because I wanted to. I stayed within my morals, my limitations, and my desires. Because every hook up was something I was invested in whole-heartedly at the time, the sloppiness that is so entwined with the culturally conscious understanding of slut never applied. I believe a slut is a woman who let’s the people around her determine her sexual life. It could be the cute guy she’s been talking to that she’s afraid may not like her anymore unless she puts out, her far more experienced friends, of the countless idiots that surround her everyday and for some strange reason take interest in her love life more than they need to. A slut is a woman who doesn’t respect herself enough to realize that she is more than her body and the terms others apply to her. Once she realizes she is more than her body, no matter how many men are in her future, she can never be a slut. With this definition, I think there shouldn’t ever live another “slut”. So ladies, this is a message to you. Take control of your sex life and do what you want to do without any apologies or excuses. If you don’t make excuses, I sure as hell won’t question you, and neither will anyone else.
So, to girls everywhere, DON’T QUESTION YOURSELF EITHER. Stay true to your morals, stay true to your sexual desires, and don’t let anyone’s words, pressures, or wants determine any of your actions on a weekend night. Sex and all the derivations of it are a thoroughly whole body experience. It is physical, emotional, and damn great (if the guy is good). But it’s only going to be this if it’s something you want. If it’s not what you want, tell the guy you’ve been chatting up to screw himself -you are more than your body, and you’re damn proud of it.