In every moment of my free time, I find myself scrolling through TikTok. The app used to give me a sense of relief as I dissociated to mindless videos, grateful that people more creative than myself could produce such humorous content for my entertainment. TikTok felt like a break for my brain in between classes or laying in bed at night. Lately, however, I find that my for you page (FYP) is flooded with two categories of troubling videos: videos that bash “pick me girls” or videos that instruct women on how to “seduce and control” men.
pick me girls
The first genre of videos is those that perpetuate the “pick me girl” trope. The term, coined by a large community of TikTok users, refers to a woman who puts down other women for participating in traditionally “girly” activities, such as wearing makeup or shopping. This trope presents two problems: The first is that, usually, these videos are centered around a competition for a man. The “pick me girl” in these videos is usually trying to put down other women to gain the attention of a man by being “one of the boys” or “not like other girls.” In the patriarchal society, women are pitted against each other constantly. As a college student, I watch women tear each other apart for the attention of any given man, and men simply observe or even encourage this behavior for their own selfish entertainment.
This leads me to the second problem with these videos: pushing this trope on social media seems hypocritical. How can we fight this phenomenon of women putting each other down by making comedic videos that inherently put a certain “type” of woman down? That only further divides women against each other. Our society is already structured in a way that encourages competition between women. We see this in our ever changing and unattainable beauty standards. We see this in institutions such as Greek life at universities. Women will never escape this cycle of needing to be better than each other if we continue to put each other down in this way.
seduction and control
The second genre of video that I often see are videos instructing women on how to control and seduce men. A current trend on TikTok features two female archetypes: the “siren” and the “coquette.” These videos provide instructions on how to “tap into your inner siren” or how to “dress like a coquette.” When I first started seeing these videos on my FYP, I thought that it was a feminist movement—an example of women regaining control by treating men as they have treated women. This reversal of roles present no new solution, just more of the same: misogyny disguised as feminism. Why should women have to learn how to seduce men to be treated with respect? While the content in these videos may seem like it would help women “control” men, they really just teach women how to please men.
These videos provide guidelines that range from what colors to wear to the speed at which you should speak to a man (slowly, of course, so that they can keep up). As a young adult who has more or less established confidence in how I conduct myself, I can watch these videos and scroll past, not thinking much of them. I can’t help but wonder, though, how trends like this could affect young girls. Social media is a massively influential force for our generation. People our age and younger are controlled by online trends and influencers. TikTok, which may very well be the most popular app among young social media users, has the ability to shape the minds of young girls. This makes the “laws of seduction” rhetoric that much more dangerous.
Social media platforms such as TikTok have the potential to bring women together. When the Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade, my FYP was flooded with angry women supporting other angry women, and it was powerful. However, trends and tropes spread fast in the digital age. I am a strong believer that every woman has some internalized misogyny; we live under a patriarchy, and we were raised in a patriarchy. This is inescapable for now. However, this means that we must be especially careful not to allow feminism to be confused with misogyny.