This article is for those of us who have experienced the gut wrenching feeling of hearing a rumor about yourself, or the feeling when you know that somebody has the wrong idea about you but you struggle to find ways to prove them wrong. The feeling of anxiously pacing the floor in your bedroom, trying to figure out how your character could be so misconstrued. The determination in you to try ten times harder to prove your true character, trying so much that your efforts come across as inauthentic, further worsening your original problem. To the social chameleons.
This is the life of a people pleaser: those of us who value their worth based on how other people perceive them, a habit that is not only unsustainable, but is detrimental to both mental and physical health. And honestly, I get it, I really do. I have spent so much time and energy in high school making sure I was liked by everyone and that I “fit in.” It terrified me to be looked at wrongly or to have my actions or words misunderstood. My image mattered to me so much that I didn’t even know who I was as a person. I only saw myself through the eyes of others. And that’s where I went wrong.
Human beings are masters at projection
One of the most important pieces of advice that I have ever heard is: “Stop trying to be everyone’s cup of tea. Let people be wrong about you.” Let me explain. When someone has a certain idea about you, they are oftentimes so deadset on thinking about you that way that trying to change their mind would be like yelling at the wind to stop blowing. In other words, it’s pointless. Human beings are masters at projection and more times than not, the way people see you has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.
Think about how much mental energy is expended into curating a perfect image and trying to be appeasing to every single person that you meet. It’s an impossible and never ending task that can often drive people to a breakdown. A personal mantra that I say to combat these negative behavioral patterns is “Let go, and let God.” Unburden yourself with the idea that you have to conform yourself to other people’s expectations and focus on what you want for yourself. As a human being, it is too easy to always want to be accepted and to want to align yourself with general societal standards and the standards of people around you. Although it’s uncomfortable, the second that you start fighting against that tendency is when the progress begins.
People are allowed to have incorrect opinions about you, and they always will. Not everybody you meet will like you. You will be the villain in someone’s story, no matter who you are. As long as you know who you are as a person then it doesn’t matter what people say. Nobody knows you better than yourself, and it’s important to remember that.