Two weeks ago I would have told you the CIA wanted me to train a team of operatives on human intelligence research, I wouldn’t have been surprised if I was personally asked to lead the secret service, and I was minorly convinced that I was going to be recruited as the newest MI6 agent. I flaunted my stealth and research skills as if they were casting me in the next Bond movie, and prepared for them to open my personal exhibit at the International Spy Museum.
None of this was remotely true, and it turns out my access to the Instagram Followers tab had deluded me into planning a future in espionage. Now that Instagram is getting rid of this tool, it’s time for me to hang up the hat — or whatever spies wear.
The Followers tab was a feature where Instagram users could keep track of the photos people were liking, the comments people were leaving, and the accounts people were following. Basically, it was a void of transparent activity that took no prisoners. The Followers tab was attached to your own Activity tab, because the only thing more interesting than other people, is yourself. Its presence wasn’t as accessible, and it’s unclear why Instagram didn’t choose to incorporate it more fully rather than getting rid of it completely. Yet, I liked to consider it my secret weapon in an online world that thrives off of screenshots.
Sure, your partner isn’t cheating, but isn’t liking the same person’s photo four times in a row the same thing?
It’s not, but the Followers tab definitely made it look conspicuous. It sounds ridiculous, but think about how many relationships have been broken up in lieu of online misbehavior. The Followers tab was the fuel for any rocky relationship’s fire, and for those of us witnessing the fallout, the blaze was always glorious.
A lot of people have never used this feature, and many forgot it existed in the first place. Thus, Instagram no longer finds it necessary to support. This doesn’t mean users no longer have stalker-tendencies, it means there are now more efficient ways to creep. Accounts like @Commentsbycelebs keep track of virtually every comment left by celebrities on the internet, and it’s wildly entertaining. The account’s success is proof that the interest remains, even if the tool no longer does.
I could lie, claim that I’ll no longer keep track of the 18 DC foodie accounts my friend followed yesterday, or the fact that a girl I know is liking the photos of her best friend’s ex-boyfriend. The truth is, in the grand scheme of life, this removal is inconsequential, a blip in a growing timeline of social media activity. Maybe it’s a sign that it’s time to stop being so invested in the lives of others, and focus on the real world. Then again, you’ve read this through by now and I’m sure we can both agree that it’s a little too late to change my ways. As is my civic duty, I’ll continue to monitor the online activity of people I barely know. It just might be a little harder from now on.