How many of you have thought about being a cougar this weekend for Halloween? And by cougar, I’m not referring to the cheetah-type cat that roams the jungle; I’m talking about the Demi Moore-type that’s on the prowl for younger men. Of course, for college-aged girls, this does not mean going after a guy that’s still drinking chocolate milk off of a cafeteria tray in junior high; but rather “cradle-rocking” has become the common term used for older college girls who date lower classmen.
I blame Justin Bieber. (Although, personally I was always a bigger fan of Aaron Carter…his single, “I Want Candy” will forever hold a special place in my heart). But back to Bieber, don’t lie; if you are a girl – and you’ve seen the confident, yet adorable, way Justin Bieber conducts himself on an interview – the thought has at least crossed your mind of becoming his “somebody to love,” even though he’s just a “baby, baby, baby…oh.” (Sorry, I couldn’t help myself with that one).
This phenomenon seems to be trending in Hollywood; we’ve seen it happen with stars like Cameron Diaz, Madonna, Vanessa Williams, and Courtney Cox. (Cox even stars in the comedy series, Cougar Town…no surprise there)! And now these “cougar-type” relationships are expanding beyond the celebrity realm, and into mainstream society. In fact, this concept of “going low” is becoming increasingly popular on college campuses. So the question is: why?
What is it about dating a younger guy that is so appealing to certain women? Do they get a thrill from feeling like they’re in control? Does it give them the automatic upper hand in the relationship? Or are they choosing younger men because they have a subconscious mothering urge to play the role of “caretaker”?
Whatever their reasons may be, there is no denying that when it comes to college relationships, even a one year age gap can drastically impact the dynamic of the relationship. For example, a senior girl is at a major turning point in her life. She’s beginning to apply for jobs, study for exams like the LSATs and GREs, and in a few months she’ll be making some serious decisions about her future. A sophomore guy, or even a junior guy, will not understand these conquests because he is at a very different phase in his college career. Instead, he may be more caught up in his fraternity social events, declaring his major, or contemplating the notion of studying abroad. So how do two people at such different stages of college make a relationship work?
The answer is: one of them plays teacher and the other plays student. (No I do not mean this in the kinky fantasy way). Rather, the older person in the relationship usually guides their younger partner through experiences that they have already been through themselves. This is not to say that one person is solely supportive and the other receives the support, of course there has to be a natural balance. But the reality is: the younger partner tends to be more reliant on the older partner for guidance in the situations that their older partner has previously experienced.
So now the question is: how low can you go? What is the appropriate age difference between two people in a relationship?
Without a doubt, there’s a double standard in our society that says that it’s more “acceptable” for a younger woman to be with an older man than vice versa. Think about it: Hugh Hefner is dating an entire mansion filled with girls young enough to be his great grand children, but what if the situation was flipped? Could we even imagine Betty White surrounded by a hot tub of sexy shirtless twenty-year-old men? Chances are she wouldn’t be seen as desirable compared to the infamous Hef. Although this is an exaggeration, it certainly says something about our perception of age in the dating world.
I have a friend who primarily dates guys in their late twenties (more than ten years older than she is), yet, she won’t give a guy one year younger than her the time of day. Meanwhile, I have another friend who is a cougar in the making. She has a thing for younger guys, but will not date anyone who is more than two years younger than her. (She’s a senior, so this means that the Thurston hotties are off limits). Something about a senior girl living in a fancy off campus apartment, dating a guy who shares a six person room in the Thurston madhouse just doesn’t seem right to her – go figure.
Why is dating a guy three years younger looked down upon, yet dating a guy ten years older receives a pat on the back? And why is it considered more “normal” for a senior guy to date a freshman girl than the other way around?
I’m afraid that the answers to these questions will be like the tootsie pop commercials, “the world will never know.” But if you ask me, I think it stems from the traditional, stereotypical gender roles in our society.
So in my opinion, it’s time to throw these rules out the window. Age is just a number; maturity is what counts. Don’t get so caught up in someone’s age that you lose sight of who they are. Instead, if you feel an attraction and sense of compatibility – go with it. The only numbers you should be focusing on is the 10 digits you can use to contact them later…unless of course you’re dating a guy who’s young enough to be in high school, or old enough to be your father…then you may want to pack your bags for the Playboy Mansion.