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An Open Letter to the First boy I Ever Truly Loved

You stole my heart, the first time I heard your voice, the first time you looked at me, the first time you kissed me, the first time you held my hand…

I can remember every detail, every moment I looked at you and realized I was in love. Everyone was charmed by you, how could they not be. You were the life of every room you walked into, the funny one, the attractive one, the intelligent one and I, I was the girl lucky enough to stand by your side. You treated me so well, put so much effort into making me happy, you made me feel like the most beautiful version of myself – and everyone around me thought you were wonderful. They were infatuated by our love.

That only lasted a little while …

Then the hate surfaced and I dealt with things like “no one will ever treat you the way I do” and “you’re so lucky to have found someone like me” … in the beginning I thought it was true. I believed you whole heartedly. Then it started getting worse … I heard words like bitch and slut get thrown at me regularly. I knew I didn’t deserve that, but when I told you I didn’t deserve it you replied “whoever told you what you deserve told you wrong, people don’t owe you anything” or that I was just “too emotional”. Again I realized it wasn’t right but I loved you so much I stood by everything you said. Any time I wanted to go out with my friends, you’d try to break up with me because you knew that I would drop everything to fix our relationship. And every time we fought you threatened to break up with me. I was walking on eggshells with everything I did or said, but our relationship was everything to me – I let you control me.

I thank God for the day you broke my damn heart because up until that point I was weak. You made me weak, you pulled me into your lies and manipulation and I trusted you.

For anyone wondering why I let him treat me like this – I thought it was ok. Everyone thought he was amazing so I thought I was reading too far into a situation that didn’t need to be analyzed.

I was wrong, all of my assumptions were right. All of my feelings, all of my doubts, I was right the entire time. Thank you for letting me see that. Thank you for saying “I’m the best thing you can get” as the last thing you ever said to me. Thank you for blocking my number and leaving my life. You were so right when you told me I didn’t deserve a guy like you, I didn’t and I will never let someone treat me the way you treated me.


Carly is in fifth year at Univeristy of Guelph studying English and Family and Child Studies. Carly has a passion for writing, travelling and family. When Carly isn't writing for Her Campus or studying you can find her playing guitar, with friends or somewhere around the globe! Follow her on Instagram @carlyholmstead 
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