In this day and age, it seems that men have steered further and further away from romanticism. today describes romanticism as “an outlook on relationships that love should be the most important criterion in choosing a mate.” A typical first date night consists of a bad horror movie on Netflix and a random box of pizza that frankly doesn’t even taste good.
Back in our parent’s time, it was expected for a man to pick you up from your doorstep, possibly with a small gift, and take you out on a simple date. According to Jean Twenge, a psychology professor at San Diego State University, people born between 1995 and 2012 are less interested in romance than their millennial elders. As emotional creatures, women enjoy being fined and dined by the man she’s interested in with flowers to compliment but it seems like a lot to ask for nowadays.
Dates are important because it allows each person to get to know each other on a deeper level in a public setting. It also quickly eliminates the possibility of sexual activities to take place.
Personally, I’m sick of pulling a man’s teeth to ask me on a simple date and I know many other women are. The question I want to be answered is, “why are men not as romantic compared to back in the day?” To get a male’s point of view, I asked three of my male friends, Marques, Gerald, and Javon to answer the question. I made sure I picked males that were of different age groups to add variation. Also, to get a woman’s perspective I asked my friend, Alisha, for her opinion.
The first male I asked was Marques, a 22-year-old recent college graduate. Marques agrees that men aren’t as romantic anymore. He said, “Because the shift from the 90s to 00 representation shifted. They stopped promoting things like simple R&B and rap collabs that showed up and coming youth it’s cool to take care of your girl or dude. Then social media came and dudes got roasted for showing their true emotions.” We have all seen the shift of respect and love for your significant other to degradation from the 90s to the 2000s. This shift has affected the way we treat and communicate with our partners. Men are also fearful of showing their true emotions because they will get clowned by their peers.
The next male I asked was Gerald, a 24-year-old college student at Georgia State University. Gerald believes that romanticism is slowly dying because of social media and women’s liberation. He said, “I think it comes down to social media and the fact that we meet and know about so many people very fast. Our attention spans are very short. When it comes to dating, we move around so fast you can’t be as romantic with everyone you see. Especially, men don’t have to be as romantic anymore to get what they want. I think women are a lot more liberated in the sense that they can sleep with whomever they like just like men. Therefore, being romantic all the time isn’t necessary for some people.” With the new wave of feminism and liberation, some women are open to sexual activities more than others. Some men view this as women being “easier” and some men don’t feel the need to court a woman if she has already given him what he wanted all along.
The last male I asked was Javon, a 28-year-old marketing strategist. He agrees that there has been a lack of romanticism because we have not seen the proper examples of it. Javon said, “In my opinion, it’s because all the bullsh*t is glamorized. We don’t see couples together the way our parents use to. We don’t hear songs about love anymore. We have been taught to hate women and women have been taught to hate men. Honestly, it’s so many reasons and so many answers to that question. But mainly because we don’t have an example to be led by when it comes to romance.”
Lastly, I knew this discussion would not be complete without a woman’s perspective. One of my closest friends Alisha, 21, is a feminist and an African American studies major. Alisha believes that our younger generation does not seek romanticism compared to past generations because it’s no longer necessary. She said, “Men were romantic back in the day because they had to be. They got married way younger then we do now. And sex wasn’t an option without marriage. But it’s a running joke that our grandfathers had multiple families and mistresses and whatnot, so is really romantic? On top of that, a lot of women are more patient cause men aren’t as needed as the reason our grandmas got married so young is cause they couldn’t work. They were trapped. So using the past is not good considering the tactics they used to get women to marry men in the first place. Women are realizing that maybe they don’t need a man and taking the future into their own hands. And being more patient. And realizing they’re are better men out there. So why pick the first one you meet”
Image by Giphy
From the responses I conjured, it’s apparent that romanticism has slowly been dying as the generations go by. In our parent’s and grandparent’s generation, the only way they could see each other was through dates and courting. They had to schedule a set date, time and place to meet in order to spend time with one another.
Due to the drastic uprise in social media and technology, people have become more accessible. It takes little to no effort to FaceTime or text a person you are interested in to come over and spend time together. Also, social media tends to degrade men that still show great interest in the woman they are involved with. We see this is song lyrics, television shows, and even commercial ads.
Times have changed, but our standards as women have not. In order to get the respect we deserve, we must set the standard. Instead of “Netflix and chill”, we must demand a romantic date. If a man is not willing to do so for you, then he’s simply not a man you should be giving your time to. Remember ladies, the power is in our hands!