In relationships, there are many different ways to say “I love you” without actually saying it. Some couples show their affection by planning meaningful dates, while others have video calls while spending time apart. These are called love languages, a concept coined by Gary Chapman, Ph.D., who describes the 5 different types in his book, “The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts.” Expressing love in different ways is one to see deeper into who someone truly is. Below are the 5 different types of love languages and examples of what they look like in Gilmore Girls.
- Words of affirmation – Lorelai Gilmore
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Everyone’s favorite mother-daughter duo, Lorelai and Rory Gilmore, show a great example of how love can be expressed in a non-romantic way. The coolest mom on TV, Lorelai, often expressed the love she had for those closest to her. Her quick banter was often peppered with her adoration for her friends and family. For example, Lorelai often reassured Rory when she shared her insecurity with the perfect pop culture reference and a witty joke. Lorelai always knew what Rory, Sookie, or Luke needed to hear to make them feel better about whatever quirky conflict they were facing that episode, like when Rory got hit by a deer or when Sookie would fight with Jackson over grapefruits.
- Acts of Service – Sookie St. James
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The best friend anyone could ask for, Sookie would often express her admiration for Lorelai and Rory through kind acts of service. It was rare to see Sookie on screen without being in the kitchen or carrying the newest dish she whipped up. Sookie was often seen dropping what she was doing to do favors for Lorelai. For example, Sookie would often cook meals for events that Lorelai would have outside of the Inn, like Emily’s DAR events. Sookie was always willing to give a helping hand and tend to whatever Lorelai needed.
- Quality Time – Emily Gilmore
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It’s no surprise that matriarch Emily Gilmore values the time she spends with her family, hence why she mandated Friday night dinners. Emily would often get upset when Lorelai wouldn’t come to the dinners– not because it was a part of the contract they agreed to in Season 1, but because it was incredibly important to her. Emily expresses her love by spending time together and learning about what’s going on in her daughter and granddaughter’s lives. Even though she often is not included in it, Emily wants to feel like she is a part of their lives because she missed out on so many years. Because of this, Emily tries to make up for it by seeing Rory as often as she can, even if that means that she comes as an uninvited guest.
- Physical Touch – Jess Mariano
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Although Jess may not have proclaimed his love for Rory by screaming it from the mountaintops, he did express it in other ways. Once Jess and Rory got closer, it seemed like he couldn’t stay away. He was often seen doing things to be physically close to Rory as much as possible– like jumping into her sled or showing up for meals at her house. Once they were in the heat of their relationship, they were often seen holding hands, kissing, and putting their arms around each other. Jess may have an appearance of coldness because of his aloof attitude, but deep down he’s a softie at heart.
- Giving and Receiving Gifts – Luke Danes
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Everyone’s favorite diner owner, Luke, would often show he cared for others by giving gifts. The earliest example of this was when he built an entire wedding arch for Lorelai from scratch when she was engaged to Max Medina, Rory’s teacher. Similar to his nephew, Luke often protects himself by displaying a cold exterior. However, if he really likes you he’ll show it by giving you a gift. Because Luke wasn’t great with his words, he would often say what he wanted to by giving gifts to others. Although he wasn’t great at it (and would often enlist the help of others like Liz and Miss Patty), Luke always had good intentions for expressing what he really wanted to say.