In life as women, we tend to go through a lot of emotions and that’s just the truth.Whether it’s about your dude, your food, or your wig! We react a lot, but we don’t have to. Stay with me here.
What I’m saying is not every relationship has to be THE relationship, some are just meant to help you grow in one area or another. Every unfortunate event isn’t a punishment, there’s a lesson there. Something you need to work towards solving. Every mistake doesn’t mean you suck or you’re just an awful person, it means just be more mindful. Everything is just not that F’n serious.
Regardless of your beliefs, the world isn’t out to get you; the world is out there to help you. You just have to grip the reigns of every moment like this and take advantage of it. These things draw something out of us. Not just the bad but strength, wisdom, joy, and peace.
Every relationship doesn’t have to be THE relationship
Now this goes for both your spousal relationships and friendships! I’m assuming if you’re reading this you’re old enough to have experienced a relationship or friendship ending that changed you. Helped you realize something about yourself you didn’t know before, therefore embarking you on a new journey of growth.
For example, I use to be what you’d call a serial monogamist. Every person I dated or was in a relationship with had to be serious! If we were just dating, then then we HAD to be thinking long term and if we weren’t I wasn’t happy! The same went for me and friendships. If we were going to be friends, then you had to always be what I considered to be a good friend, or you were out! I found that putting so much pressure and demand on my relationships kept me from enjoying some really great moments. It kept me from learning things about myself that had I been more open to different kinds of ideas and people, I would’ve learned much earlier.
Every relationship you enter doesn’t have to be that one defining relationship or life-long friendship. I’ve spent a lot of time after relationships ended feeling wronged and abandoned, but why? I had to stop looking at every relationship that didn’t work as a failed relationship. They’re just not all that serious. You have different experiences a.k.a “seasons” with different people and in this dealing, you learn something new, be it good or bad. As a result, you grow from it. Some relationships are meant for just that, so don’t feel the need to hold on for the sake of not feeling complacent. Enjoy it for what it was then let it go if necessary.
Relax, you’re not being punished
Just because something unfortunate or what seems to be completely unnecessary happened to you, doesn’t mean you’re being punished!
A life coach that I’ve been listening to for about a year and a half by the name of Shanel Cooper-Sykes taught me about replacing “Why is this happening to me?” with “What is this trying to teach me?” She talks a lot about being emotionally aligned and centered. Focusing more on desires than feelings. She’s honestly amazing and has changed my life in more ways than one, so if you haven’t checked her out I highly suggest you do
This teaching really resonated with me because I was the queen of “whoa it’s me“ pity parties (and sometimes still am). I use to think that every “bad” thing that happened to me was the world’s way of trying to keep me down. However, this taught me the more growth and responsibility I desired, the more things I would encounter to push me in that direction. I was desiring better communication skills, so as a result I kept being put in situations where I was forced to talk with people. I was desiring more patience and I ended up having to work with people that really pushed the limit! I was desiring to be more cognizant and responsible with my belongings and I wound up losing my wallet a thousand times!
None of these things were comfortable for me and all of them at the time seemed to be extremely inconvenient but I’ve grown from each of those experiences and I’m still growing. You have to be wise enough in these times to gather your emotions and simply focus on who and what you desire to be. Those things disguised as inconveniences become a lot easier when you take time to think about
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What you’ve been desiring
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How this exact moment is teaching you and preparing you for what you desire.
You’re going to make mistakes anyway…
We spend a lot of time trying not to make mistakes. It’s crazy the amount of energy we put into making sure things go off without a hitch. I use to be the exact same way until I realized just how pointless it was. Even perfectionist make imperfect mistakes sometimes. No matter how hard we try, in this life mistakes are going to happen and that’s okay! I’m not saying you shouldn’t try your absolute best and put great energy into what you’re working on, but you shouldn’t kill yourself trying to make something completely flawless.
It’s important to remember that nothing you do will be perfect for everybody. The paper you spent forever working on and your professor scribbled red ink all over it. Or the presentation you poured your soul into that nobody really liked. The outfit you spent tons of time and money on that didn’t catch enough people’s eye for you. It’s okay! You’re not a dummy and you shouldn’t just up and drop the class. Your vision for the presentation wasn’t off, some people just didn’t get it. You’re not ugly and an awful dresser, just stop looking for so much validation. Tuh, you’re fabulous!
It’s also important to remember that without mistakes, we would have no way of knowing how to make ourselves or work even better. If we got everything perfect, we wouldn’t be able to excel. How boring would life be if we had nothing to work towards or nothing more to gain? I’m betting on extremely! Making mistakes allows you to be more mindful and proactive. They allow you to acquire more wisdom and knowledge. Mistakes allow you to level up! I challenge you to be open to making more mistakes. I challenge you to fully welcome mistakes into your life and find out just how much you’re really capable of!
“The lotus is a flower that grows in the mud. The deeper and thicker the mud, the more beautiful the lotus blooms.”
-Unknown
This is my favorite quote of all time. It’s a constant reminder that whatever you go through in life, dark or light, you grow with every stage. I’ve spent so much time… wasted, that’s a better word. I’ve wasted so much time allowing those feelings and thoughts dictate how I lived my life. The point is, we’ve got to start changing our mindsets when dealing with things. Now we’re all human so emotions are inevitable. Things are going to hurt, make us angry, feel uncomfortable or the complete opposite, but you can’t allow them to control you. As I write this, I’m speaking to myself too. This kind of change takes resilience and repetition. Something I admittedly haven’t mastered. My hope for each of you that read this is that you start becoming more conscious of what life is trying to teach you. Greet mishaps with open arms and see how much of an unapologetic, carefree, living your best life woman you become.