I have a friend who is so in love with pizza that we call her pizza girl. She just LOVES pizza. She eats it no matter what time of the day it is, ESPECIALLY if it is after a night out in the town. I have watched pizza girl eat a giant piece of pizza at Tuscany’s and then pick up another equally giant slice at DC Slices 4 blocks away. The worst part (or best for her) is that she never gains an ounce of weight and her flat stomach remains intact to this day. Despite her fantastic metabolism, pizza girl does embarrass herself from eating so much pizza.
One night, pizza girl and I were walking home after stopping to eat some delicious pizza and we met one of my friends whom pizza girl does not know. It was about 3 am and pizza girl was a little bit off her game, if you know what I mean. She decided that she did not have to keep her manners when my new friend was around and she let out the most MASSIVE BURP EVER. I mean I said, “Pizza girl, what the heck?” all before she finished burping. I am not even lying. My guy friend was appalled. He may have also been in shock. I am telling you he probably never even heard a 300-pound man burp like pizza girl did. Anyway, pizza girl proceeded to realize what she had just done and make the situation even more awkward by apologizing a million times, swearing him to secrecy, and forcing him to hug her before he was allowed to go on his way. We have seen my guy friend around since this burping incident, and although he seems a little scared that pizza girl might let one out in his face at any given moment, he has taken the whole situation quite well and has been very civil.
Ladies, we all know there is a little bit of pizza girl down inside of us somewhere. The next time you get Tuscany’s, think of pizza girl and learn from her. Eat slowly and if you still have to burp, conceal it, especially if you are in front of a guy! You may regret it just as much as pizza girl did.