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Top 5 Ways You Can Hex Donald Trump This Weekend

I have a hesitant relationship with the many forms of paganism available to the modern collegiate. Sure, I read my tarot cards, and I cleanse my things, and I draw my sigils, but like with any faith, it’s difficult to combat the constant self-doubt. But goddamn it, if nobody in our government is going to do anything about Donald Trump with their own two hands, I sure will. And I’ll manifest my desires into existence if I have to—one step at a time. Why don’t you join me in five different ways of hexing* Donald Trump this weekend?


* If you’re actually interested in pagan practices, you’ll notice that none of the following are really “hexes” in the definition used by magic-users. It’s just an easy eye-catcher for people who aren’t as familiar with the practice.


1. Draw some sigils!



A sigil is a symbolic image charged with the will of its creator. When a person draws their own sigil, they are essentially putting their will into something tangible—a product of their desires, so to speak. They are meant to bring your desires out of your imagination and into the real world, thus making them a step closer to coming true. You make sigils by essentially writing down a phrase and breaking the words down into images, which you can learn how to do here. Now, strictly speaking, you’re not supposed to use negative words when creating a sigil, but I think the force that is magic will understand if you sneak in a few “Trump is impeached” and “Orange is Out”s in there.


2. Write a spell!

While many pre-written spells exist that can be easily accessed online, writing your own spell gives it an edge because you have infused your own energy into it. Much like creating a sigil, spells can be the first step from manifesting your desires out of the conceptual into the physical world. You can explore how to write spells here. One of the most fun parts about writing a spell is being able to determine its parameters; i.e., when you need to perform the spell and what materials you will be using. It can be as simple as tearing a piece of paper with Trump’s name on it under a full moon, or dancing naked under a waning crescent with blessed orange pom-poms glued to your scalp (please don’t actually do this). Creativity is key!


3. Ask your tarot cards what you should do!

If you’re unfamiliar with tarot cards, essentially, tarot decks are a special set of cards that, when shuffled and drawn from, can answer questions and make simple predictions. You can do this using a tarot set or a regular set of playing cards (though the latter tends to be a little difficult for beginners).


Tarot cards are a reflection of our inner energies reflected through the meanings of the cards we pull. Therefore, your cards are the best source to turn to when you want to know how to direct your negative energy. It’s good to be mad about this administration, but what are you actually going to do with your anger? Are you going to volunteer to work on a political campaign that directly opposes some aspect of the Trump administration? Are you going to donate to causes Trump hates, like Planned Parenthood? The truth is, only you know what’s the best path, even if it’s not immediately apparent to you—let the cards draw the answer out of you.



4. Literally summon Satan!



Listen, people are entitled to their religious ideas, and as I said before, I do practice some pagan religious elements. But there’s something downright goofy about going down the internet rabbit hole and finding websites like “Spells and Magic.com”, which promises the user that the listed spells are “not for beginners…doing Black Magic Spells can and will bring Chaos into your life…” I mean, yeah, I guess bringing Lucifer into your living room isn’t exactly Pagan 101. But if you want to ensure that hellfire rains down on Trump, you’re going to have to take the L for us all. Proceed with caution, and all.


You are going to light three black candles at midnight, and ring a bell three times before saying the following chant three times:


“I call to the mighty bringer of light, Lucifer…

Spirits of the abyss, here my call all most powerful one and all

Lucifer my thoughts do sing through the universe they now ring

Take thine enemy, take him smite

Break him, scorn him in the night

From the mighty depths of hell cast your darkness on his shell

Oh Lucifer, oh shining star

Touch him, burn him from afar

Revenge now will have its day for thine enemy starts to fray

So it be!”


As you do this, channel the energy in your chanting towards Trump, and the anger you feel towards him. Supposedly, this will ensure that darkness clouds him. Frankly, though, seeing as the devil himself is next on Trump’s list of potential new cabinet hirees, I’m not sure how effective this one will actually be.


5. Grounding

So if you couldn’t tell, that last one was more or less a joke. But grounding isn’t. If you’re going to put all of this energy into hating Trump, you might as well put some into loving yourself. At the end of the day, that’s the real magic behind pagan practices—they foster self-care.


Grounding is the act of becoming reconnected with the earth. Stand barefoot on the earth outside—or, for us Northeastern folk who have winter conditions 24/7, on the floor inside while imagining it’s the earth—and imagine roots spreading out of your feet. Feel them pierce the ground and wrap around in wild connections throughout the ground. Feel them move through everything that would normally separate you from the earth, like dirt, rocks, etc. You should feel calmed and comforted by this mediation-like state. And hopefully, you come out on the other side healed from it.


Remember, it’s important that we rally and fight against the White House, but make sure to take care of yourself in the process. Loving yourself despite all of the nonsense taking over our political world is probably one of the most devastating things you can do—it gives you the energy to fight back.


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Jessica Bansbach is a junior psychology major who has more campus club memberships than fingers and toes. In her spare time, if she's forgotten that she's a college student that has more pressing matters to attend to (like, say, studying), she enjoys video games, thrift shopping, and ruminating. She was elected "funniest in group" by her summer camp counselor when she was nine and has since spent the next eleven years trying to live up to the impossible weight of that title.
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