No online phenomenon has impacted my writing style more than that of the original Creepypastas. Creepypastas are short stories often focused around a character meant to scare the reader. Think Slenderman. While I have read my fair share of well-written Creepypastas, I also read my fair share of horribly-written Creepypastas. So buckle up and get ready for a top ten list of the worst Creepypastas.
1) “Jeff the Killer”
“Jeff the Killer” gets the first-place spot simply because he’s one of the most famous Creepypasta monsters. However, sadly, he doesn’t deserve the spot. Jeff the Killer’s origin story is filled with various grammar and story mistakes. If Jeff was burnt, his skin would not turn white. Jeff’s brother should not be randomly taken to jail without evidence. Lastly, it’s … just not spooky. It doesn’t help that Jeff has a legion of teenage fangirls that love him.
2) “Sonic Exe”
Two words: hyper-realistic eyes. To be honest, the poster for the live action Sonic movie is scarier.
3) “Eyeless Jack”
I never did find “Eyeless Jack” scary, mostly because I feel that if a homicidal killer was blind, I could probably hold them out. I dunno, put a banana peel on the ground and watch them slip, maybe.
4) “Laughing Jack”
I have always been described by my friends as an ardent defender of clowns, so whenever clowns are portrayed as ‘scary’ in the media, I get a little skeptical. “Laughing Jack” is the story of a young boy’s imaginary friend, who well, may not be as imaginary as they think. The story isn’t particularly well written, as the young mother focused upon in the story suffers from bad decisions. For instance, she leaves her young child outside for hours unsupervised, and when she sees her child eating candy given by ‘Laughing Jack,’ simply insists he isn’t real and does not call the police or get worried. Amazing.
5) “Tails Doll”
Nothing is frightening about a yellow fox that flies. What’s with Sonic characters and Creepypastas?
6) “Abandoned by Disney”
I think “Abandoned by Disney” is higher on this list simply because I think the concept is interesting. Creepy Disney mascots left to die in a shutdown section of the park? Interesting. What’s not interesting is the final climax of the story where a Mickey Mouse costume takes his head off, speaking in a high-pitched voice. Not scary.
7) “Jane the Killer”
“Jane the Killer” is a female version of “Jeff the Killer.” Like “Jeff the Killer,” this story is not particularly scary, as it centers on Jane, Jeff’s sworn enemy. It’s a retelling of the first story from Jane’s perspective. While the story tries to be frightening, the story loses its impact with high school drama, such as Jane getting embarrassed that people think she’s dating Jeff. She’s his mortal enemy, after all.
8) “Happy Appy”
While the creator of this Creepypasta says it was intentionally bad, I am a little skeptical. In a way, it sounds as though they realized the work was bad and tried to laugh it off as a joke once they realized a red apple with big lips isn’t scary. Not to mention the writing. The main character often makes bad decisions, such as not alerting anyone else that his best friend has been kidnapped. Keep in mind he’s a detective.
9) “Clockwork”
“Clockwork” is a newer Creepypasta, and one I’m not more familiar with, so I re-read it thoroughly to get a better understanding of it. It focuses on a young girl who is abused from the ages of 10 to 17, and who loves to draw gore. It isn’t really a surprise that she becomes a serial killer. There’s a ton of obvious foreshadowing as well; “Your time is up,” her serial killer mantra, is repeated at least twenty times throughout the story.
10) “Cupcakes”
“Cupcakes” is a Creepypasta story set in the world of My Little Pony. That’s enough for me to personally stop taking the story seriously, but the extremely graphic details help. Describing gore isn’t scary; it’s just disturbing.
What terrible things did you grow up with?
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