I know you’ve been thinking about it. Maybe you’ve even managed to do it for a day or so and then download it again. You tell yourself, “self, this is the last time we’re going to do this,” and then some shit happens and you book it to your finsta to rant about how life is never fair to you. You like checking who’s looking at your story, or the wave of validation from the influx of responses. I don’t say any of this to mock you. I’ve been that person; I know how it is. I should be slapped for the way I have bombard my close friends’ stories with unnecessarily deep tidbits about my life. Or the way I would obsess over getting the right picture of myself, figuring out a way my Snapchat story would scream, “CINDY, PLEASE SWIPE UP” but like in a casual and cool way.
Think about why you feel the need to impersonally update anywhere from 10-1,000 people on your daily life. What is the like counter giving you something you aren’t receiving from elsewhere? What is the difference between those two pictures you took of yourself within fractions of a second, and why is it taking so much time deciding which one should be posted? A lot of stress and obsession goes into these accounts. This is why I urge you, almost beg of you, delete your social media apps.
Obliterate the desire to constantly perform. It’s okay if no one sees you’re having dinner with friends tonight. It’s still going to happen; that friend you made freshman year and don’t speak to anymore isn’t going to think, “wow, she’s a loser” if she doesn’t see your Friday night plans. And don’t you think you’d feel a lot better if you weren’t constantly spectating other people’s lives? Wouldn’t it be nice to say goodbye to that pang in your gut from seeing two of your friends are in the midst of plans you weren’t invited to? The carefully curated posts that make you feel less in any way you can think of can go away if you simply let them.
You can just start there. We’re like a three-ish step program over here: Delete, Keep it Deleted and Evolve. No need to completely eradicate all the hours of filtering and posing. It is completely fine for you to immortalize your hard work. All you need to do is stop feeding the cycle. Download other apps that help you ease you off as if this wasn’t already sounding like one big analogy for smoking addiction. My personal favorite is “Flow Free,” a pre-teen favorite that I recently rekindled my love for. My Snapchat streaks have been replaced with a 74 day Flow streak, ladies please contain yourselves.
Next is KEEP IT DELETED! Easier said than done. You’re going to think to yourself, “wonder what’s changed, maybe I can just log in real quick” or “I have SUCH a nice photo of x event, I just want people to see it.” WRONG. That’s like, the number one rule of trying to get rid of a habit: Don’t open the gate back up! At least not within the first month or two. You need “The Shift” to happen first before you feel like you have control and separation from this desire. The Shift comes a while after when it hits you how much has changed and how much you desperately want to hold onto it. Whether it’s how much more comfortable you are with yourself, diminished anxiety, not seeing your peers that peaked in high school throwing COVID parties, what have you. At some level, you will feel relief. Then comes the Evolve stage.
There will come a point where Instagram serves the same function as Google; find what you are searching for and go. “Here let me show you a picture of her,” “this is what my hair looked like last year,” quick and harmless finds all done in the convenience of your web browser! And if you want to post something on a special occasion, I say go for it. I recently had to post something for a class, and right after I did (filter-less, might I say) I deleted the app, not caring and went about my business. It was great.
I want to make it clear that I am not trying to insinuate that everybody must do exactly what I do, or that I think I am better for not using my social media. Just in my personal experience and from most conversations I’ve had with people, we all have at least a little problem with managing the world that’s at our fingertips. Most of us downloaded these apps when we were in middle school, and the thought of middle-school-me making decisions college-me still greatly adheres to sends shivers up my spine. I’m not kidding, middle-school-me would put gel in the top layer of my dry hair. Imagine if I never stopped doing that; that is what keeping up with my social media accounts feels like—a compulsory action rather than a thought-out decision.
Take care of yourself, never the person you want people to think you are.