Online it can seem like everyone knows exactly what self-care is supposed to look like. Candles, lotion, a bubble bath, a face mask, a glass of wine and a tub of ice cream. The commodification of “self-care” has made us believe that taking time for yourself is this sort of beauty-centered instagrammable experience. What if it’s actually more than that?
Over winter break I did a lot of resting, and what some may or may not refer to as “self-care.” I watched all of the new season of Queer Eye and reflected on what self-care looks like in the media versus what it looks like in real life. They seem to paint two very different pictures. For me, self-care sometimes does look like an Instagram thread. I’m no stranger to a nice face mask and I try to do yoga just about every day if I can. However, life doesn’t always allow us the time, space, money or energy to be doing self-care that’s nice and pretty like this. Sometimes things like these don’t work or they can even make things feel worse, especially for those who struggle with mental illness.
Self-care might look like sleeping in until noon for a week. It might look like wearing sweatpants until you feel better, or eating more junk food than you normally do. It might be giving yourself a break from work or school for a bit, and giving yourself time to rest so you don’t burn out.
Sometimes self-care is mundane. It can look like getting out of bed to brush your teeth, or making sure you drink water even if you’re stuck in a depressive slump. It might look like cleaning your room as much as you can. Sometimes it’s even just simply making sure to eat and take your meds.
Sometimes self-care is unpleasant. Self-care can also look like forcing yourself to get your body moving even though you don’t want to because you know it will make you feel better. It can look like eating healthier foods than you normally do. It might even look like turning your phone on silent, sitting down at your desk and getting some work done because it’s going to reduce your anxiety.
Ultimately, self-care looks different for everyone, and will almost certainly vary for all of us throughout our lifetimes. We shouldn’t feel pressure to make our time to ourselves look “pretty” or “aesthetic.” In reality, nobody is as put together as they may seem in the digital realm. The most important thing is that we recognize what we need to do to show up for ourselves so that we can find the energy to show up for other people.