Geneseo is home to some incredible biodiversity—if you’re in the market to see thirty million seagulls fighting over the same pizza crust, balding squirrels and ever wanted to find out what wet crow smells like (you soon will). But some of us don’t quite trust our fellow campus companions. We think something might be going on under the surface … join us as Her Campus investigates their true motives.
I don’t trust any animal that can eat its weight in bagel scraps that isn’t me. I think they’re working together to puppet President Denise Battle’s body on fishing wire and pure spite. Stay on the lookout for new administration decrees to throw out your pizza crusts and leave open chip bags around campus grounds.
Each of these groups has their own agenda, a common enemy being the humans on campus—particularly students of course. The squirrels just want food, but they’re willing to fight you to get it. Who will win: the grumbling monster leaping out of a garbage can or a tired 19-year-old that just wants to eat chicken fingers at 11 p.m.? The seagulls are just here to taunt us. They laugh while we walk below them to and from classes hoping there won’t be any droppings on us the next time we look in the mirror. The crows only want blood. They want us to beg for mercy—this is their campus and they’re ready to take it. I have a feeling that all of these animals will battle it out during finals week and all of us will be so delirious that we’ll just have to accept it as reality and let it be a source of entertainment.
The squirrels are cute and chubby. The crows are minding their own business. It’s the seagulls you have to watch out for. Once I was pooped on by two different seagulls within ten seconds of each other. They are out to get you. Always watch your back.
The crows on campus are dignified. Their silent murder flies in perfect harmony. The seagulls on campus are nothing but a crude aberration on bird kind. The crows look on in disgust as the seagulls honk like clowns. They have no plans with the seagulls.
The squirrels are a different story. Perhaps they can be reasoned with. If only the crows could devise a plan to get the squirrels to focus on anything other than the acquisition of food. The squirrels are largely innocent creatures and they seem equally frustrated by the violence with which the seagulls will claim the treats they would rather have. Yes, perhaps soon we can work something out with the squirrels and remove the seagull scourge from campus. I mean, the crows can. I am not a crow. Who said anything about a plan to unite with the squirrels and stave off an invasion of shitting, squawking seagulls? Please, enough with the questions. I have shiny things to collect.
One day I hope to befriend the squirrels and become the Disney princess that I have always meant to be. I would not mind befriending some of the crows. However, I have no opinions about the seagulls.
I’ve always thought the squirrels were pretty cute. I think they just want to eat people’s trash and live their best furry grey lives. The crows are pretty creepy (and I’m not just talking about the boys in the frat). The actual bird crows probably relish in the fact that they’re creepy- they’re in it for the aesthetic. Honestly, we should thank them for providing an ominous background to match our similar feelings of doom when it comes to exams and looming deadlines. The seagulls are just kind of annoying. Anyone who has ever lived on north side has certainly been woken up by their incessant squawking a few times. Maybe they’re ganging up to deprive everyone of sleep even more than they’re already deprived- but they’re probably just annoying and blissfully unaware of the world’s hardships.
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